


For the Love of a God

by Arluen14



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content Later, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, minor love/hate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:55:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/957007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arluen14/pseuds/Arluen14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The gala in Stuttgart, Germany is a little more fateful than Loki originally anticipated. He finds he cannot get thoughts of the intriguing woman he meets there out of his head- a woman who inspires him to question who he has become and whether or not he might one day become a man worthy to stand before her and call himself a prince of Asgard.</p><p>**Chapter 3 due November 9th after everyone in the States has had a chance to see The Dark World.**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable as belonging to Marvel. The standard warnings apply. That being said, while this does function within the existing canon stories of The Avengers and eventually Thor/Thor 2, it is an independent story. I hope I do justice to the characters and I do appreciate critique and reviews. I will tell you now so I don't get bombarded about it later- THIS WILL NOT RECEIVE REGULAR UPDATES! I will be waiting to add too much more until Thor 2 comes out in November, so I'm afraid that if you find you do like it you will have to wait for gratification. Enjoy!

     Dr. Adrienne Emelia Hawthorne scowled in disgust at the people moving about the hall of the museum she was standing in. It made no sense to her to host a fundraiser for a hospital in a museum, but she could admit that it was a beautiful building. The granite walls and white marble floors were a stunning backdrop for the wealth of colorful silks and jewels adorning the guests- members of the elite, the rich and powerful. Off in some corner a string quartet played, and any other night she would have surrendered to the calming effect of the music. Great columns reached to the floor of the gallery that ran all the way around the second floor of the hall. If you cared to look, you would find stained glass windows depicting great thrones from centuries past set into the walls off the main hall. At the back of the hall was a massive marble staircase that wound up to the gallery to both the left and right. Adrienne had tried to hide in its shadow earlier in the night, but she was pulled back out onto the floor to mingle. Presently she was back in the shadow of the staircase, partially hidden in a corner.

     She did not attend this soirée willingly, no matter how much she enjoyed having an occasion to get dressed up. If Matthew and Sarah, partners and financial directors of her charity, hadn’t directly threatened her with forced vacation time outside of Mali, she would not be suffering the foolish men who kept attempting to flirt with her. For some reason they seemed to have it in their heads that she was available for the taking, and that their money somehow made them a great catch. She had fallen for that routine once before, but never would again. Her scowl deepened as she took a swig of her champagne, all the while wishing it was something stronger. She spent the entirety of these stupid events fending off would-be suitors even as she tried to persuade them to donate their money to her work. It was despicable how low these men thought she was.

     She knew perfectly well that for many of these people, this was no more than an event at which to see and be seen- both in fashion and in a vain attempt to make people think they were charitable. It was all a show; one she detested. Glancing to the right, she saw Dr. Heinrich Schäfer ambling up next to her. He was the guest speaker and an old friend. The man was aging, but he still had that spark of life about him- the one that had saved her- that was difficult to ignore.

     “Your displeasure begins to show on your face. Don’t hate them too much, my dear. They do not understand their own stupidity.” His English was very good, accented though it was. She smirked as he handed her a flask he had hidden in his jacket. She poured the amber liquid into her now empty champagne flute before returning it. The liquid was fire down her throat- good Scottish whiskey. Adrienne glanced over at him. At 5’10” he would have normally stood a good deal taller than her- a few inches at least. Tonight, the added height from her massive shoes, made them nearly matched.

     “I know. Sometimes the ones who are truly generous and kind make up for the others, but you know how very much I dislike these events. There are too many people, and too many false smiles. I would rather be home with my kids.”

     “I know, and you will be soon. Sarah has them?” Adrienne nodded. Matthew had accompanied her to Germany while Sarah remained in Mali to watch the kids and keep the hospital running smoothly. “I’m going to be giving my speech in a half hour, then you can slip away. It will be our secret.” She genuinely smiled at him and laughed at his conspiratorial grin. He had been a mentor to her at one point in her life; an indispensable and very necessary helping hand when life had decided to kick her ass. She knew she could never repay him for all of his kindness toward her and her kids.

     “Tell Petra I said hello, and that I will visit her next time I am in Germany. Alec and Julianne send their love. They miss you both.” They both knew it would be a long time before that happened, but he nodded anyway and gave her messages for the children before he strode back into the crowd, leaving her alone in her corner once again.

 

     Loki looked down upon the people in the hall below with utter disdain. _Look at them all. They’ve no idea how pitiable they are._ He caught sight of his target in a corner on the far side of the hall. Dr. Schäfer was speaking to a woman who stood half in the shadows, as though she tried to hide. What he could see of her told him she looked nearly as miserable as Loki himself felt. Oh yes, some part of him was gleeful at the chaos he was about to stir up, but another part truly hated these people his once-brother fought so hard to protect. Loki sneered at that thought. Soon Thor would be in as much pain as he, and then his once-brother would begin to understand just the tip of the betrayal he and the Allfather had played.

     Loki was distracted from his dark thoughts as he heard part of what the man was saying. His senses were far better than those of these tiny Midgardians, making his position on the gallery overlooking the hall an advantage. He smirked. _Just 30 more minutes,_ he thought gleefully. Loki was distracted again, this time by the woman. She had smiled at something Dr. Schäfer had said, Loki didn’t know what, so caught up was he in thoughts of his plans. Her following peal of laughter rose above the din of the hall and sent a disturbing rush of blood to his groin.

     She was already rather pretty, he was forced to admit. For a Midgardian, at least. But this smile, so open, so obviously joyful, it made her quite near to stunningly beautiful. This observation more than a little unnerved the God of Mischief, almost as much as the increasing discomfort of his trousers. He inspected her more closely. The woman cut a fine figure in the black gown she wore, the material hugging her curves in all the right places, and flowing to the ground in a soft cascade of satin. Her hair was a strange color he had never seen before. It seemed to be comprised diverse strands of the lightest of blondes, richest of reds, and darkest of blacks. It was piled atop her head in some sort of plait. He could tell that there was quite a lot of it, but wondered just how far down her back it fell. It was a bit unusual when so many of these so-called “modern women” cut it all off. Her features, so unlike those on any Midgardian he had ever seen, made him wonder if this woman was not from another realm- Álfheimr perhaps- or mayhap one of her ancestors was. Her high cheekbones and arched brows certainly spoke to that of the light elves, as did her blemish-less alabaster skin that was very near as pale as his own, but not so pallid, he thought. Her eyes were almond shaped, though he could not tell the color from where he stood. They glinted with an intelligence and keen sense of observation as they darted about the hall that he saw in so very few mortals.

     It disturbed Loki to think he might find this woman so beautiful, particularly if she was one of these lowly mortals. He tried to shake off the unnerving and unexpected feelings as he forced his gaze back to his target, who was presently meandering back into the throng of people in the hall, leaving the woman alone in the corner. He shook his head. She was of no importance to his plans, and thus of no importance at all.

     Loki was once again distracted from his task a few minutes later by the woman, who was presently moving out of her corner in the shadow of the staircase, seemingly to get away from the men who had accosted her there. He moved around the gallery to the balcony overlooking the staircase. She ascended the curving marble with all the fury and grace of the Valkyries flying over a battlefield. Her gown swirled about her legs and blew back behind her- mysteriously reminding him of black ink flowing through water- as it revealed a slit on the left side that had been hidden when she stood still. Now though, it exposed every exquisite inch of skin and well defined muscle on her left leg.

     He could do nothing but stare in stunned silence. Loki numbly realized he was acting like a fresh-faced youth gazing at a woman for the first time, but he could not take his eyes off of her. She reached the gallery at the top of the stairs and froze before him, a startled expression on her face. She was beautiful before, but up close, she was a vision of perfection and power. He realized then that she was not as tall as she had appeared next to Dr. Schäfer, for her shoes easily added 3 or 4 inches to her height. _She could impale me with those shoes,_ he thought morosely. They looked deadly, sporting tiny little straps that held them to her feet and heels thin as the blades of his knives she could topple off of any moment.

     Her eyes, which were lined in kohl and covered in some kind of coppery sparkles, ensnared him and held him firmly rooted to the spot. Set widely in her heart-shaped face, they were the most alluring design- like the sun or a star had been captured within each one and was surrounded by blue sky. So wide and expressive, they drew him in until he thought he might drown in their depths. He balked. This was not how a prince, no, a king should behave! _She must have some magic she is using to put these thoughts in my head,_ he thought desperately, and was suddenly furious. _Someone has discovered my plans! Well, you won’t stop me just yet, whoever you are,_ he thought as a devilish grin snaked its way across his lips.

     Adrienne had had enough! Another guy had just crept into her corner in an effort to get her to go home with him. She didn’t know what it was about her that drew them like moths to a flame, but she wasn’t going to stand for it any more tonight. She made for the staircase leading up to the gallery above. _It will be quiet up there_ , she thought. It’s not like I’m really hiding. I’ll be back down before Heinrich’s speech. She shrugged as she started to ascend the stairs, being careful to not step on the front of her dress. She glanced up as she reached the landing and froze. Standing there was the most beautiful Adonis of a man she had ever seen. He wore a tuxedo of an older cut, almost Victorian, which fit him to absolute perfection, highlighting the long, powerful muscle beneath. He was remarkably tall and lean, not at all bulky, but the muscle and power were shown in the way he held his body, filling out his suit with startling ease.

     She took him in, working her way up from his expensive leather shoes. It was obvious the man was rich by the fine clothes he wore, but his green silk scarf embroidered in fine gold thread, and gold walking stick with a massive blue gem would have driven home the point anyway. His hands were slim and delicate, with the long fingers of a pianist, but he held them in such a way as to make it obvious they concealed just as much power as the rest of him. It practically rolled off him in waves. He was, she mused, a man out of another time.

     His face was, of course, remarkably fair, almost to the point where she would call him beautiful. He had high cheekbones that could have been cut from the same marble as the floor, and dark brows that arched both harshly and gracefully over the most exquisite and curiously colored eyes she had ever seen. They were of such a shade that she continuously wondered if they were blue or green. His hair was a lush black that fell to his collar and curled away from it. Adrienne had the urge to run her fingers through it to see if it was really as soft as it looked. _Too bad he’s got it gelled back from his face,_ she thought rather suddenly, then admonished herself for the thought. This was just the sort of man she had been trying to avoid all night. _But he’s nothing like those idiots, is he Adrienne,_ the darker part of her mind whispered. No he wasn’t, he was dangerous, but she was not about to admit it.

     She shivered involuntarily. This man stirred up a heat inside her that no man had touched in a very long time. She felt like there were little flames running all over her body beneath over-sensitive flesh. She was quite sure if he had come on to her like so many of the other men this evening had, she would have welcomed his advances instead of scorning them. A suspiciously quiet part of her mind reminded her why she didn’t like men like him- gorgeous men who knew a single twist of their beautiful mouths could fell a woman across a room; men with too much arrogance and ego- but she could not look away.

     It took her a moment, but after she recovered from her shock, she wondered why he hadn’t moved. It was then that she realized those beautiful eyes were doing exactly the same thing to her she had been doing to him, and he was still looking. His heated gaze made her feel as though she was being undressed with nothing but his eyes roving over her body. It wasn’t an entirely unpleasant feeling.

     Adrienne knew the moment he recovered from whatever had held him so still, and she was afraid of the predatory glint she saw in his eyes, suddenly as sharp as cut sapphires. She started to take a step back down the stairs before she remembered her dress and nearly lost her footing as the heel of her shoe was caught in the satin. She gripped the banister as he drew near to her, completely invading her personal space and trapping her against the balcony above the stairs.

     “You may tell whoever sent you, little one, that they are too late to stop my plans for this night.” His words sent a chill down her spine for reasons Adrienne could not consciously articulate. His voice was like velvet, but the threat implicit in his words swiftly squashed her burgeoning attraction for the man, replacing it with fear and anger, and the anger was rapidly becoming dominant. She had no idea who this man was, but he was clearly an arrogant and egotistical fool, touched repeatedly, she thought, with the crazy stick. Adrienne had had enough for one night; that’s why she was headed up-stairs in the first place, she remembered. She didn’t have to listen to this shit from another stupid rich boy.

     Adrienne smacked him hard across his beautiful face then shoved him away from her, a little concerned when he only took two small steps back, a look of complete and utter shock on his face. _Bet you’ve never had that happen, have you,_ she thought smugly. Adrienne pulled herself up to her full height, squaring her shoulders and taking advantage of every extra centimeter her shoes gave her. She still had to crane her neck to look him in the eye as she stepped forward, now invading his personal space. _This guy is a freaking giant,_ she thought wondrously.

     “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know who you seem to think I am, but I do hope you enjoy the rest of my party, albeit as far from me as you can possibly find yourself,” she said to him, letting equal parts steel and syrupy sugar leak into her voice. “I would however give you a piece of advice for attending events in the future. Next time, don’t make it a point to insult and threaten the host. You may find you are no longer welcome.” She sauntered past him with as much grace and dignity as she could muster, knowing all the while her words were not what she should have said, but she was beyond caring. So help her God, if he followed her she would not be responsible for her actions.

 

     Loki was absolutely floored. In all of his centuries of life he had not encountered this reaction from a woman. He’d been struck by the Lady Sif, but she was a warrior and he knew he deserved her ire. This was wholly different. He briefly wondered if he had mistaken her purpose here tonight, then discarded the idea. It still took him a minute to recover enough of his wits to go after her. Loki schooled his features into something resembling remorse, though it was difficult as it was not an emotion he was naturally inclined towards. He grabbed her wrist forcing her to stop. Her skin was as soft as it looked and rather cool to the touch. Another shot of desire wormed its way to his groin, momentarily throwing him off balance. She turned so fast he almost didn’t catch her other hand before she slapped him again. He smiled a small smile that barely touched his lips as she struggled to get away from him.

     “Release me,” she hissed.

     “Are you going to attempt to strike me again?” he purred. Fury flared in the depths of her eyes and she struggled a little more before he pulled her flush against his body, twisting one arm behind her back to hold her still, pressing her curves into him with the added pressure of his cane angled across her back. A hint of her subtle perfume wafted past his nose and he almost released her as he reveled in the sweet smell. This one was going to be a problem.

     For a moment, Loki thought she had conceded control, but that thought rapidly left him as the wicked spike of her shoe connected with his left instep. This time he did release her as he hissed in pain, but only long enough for her to take a few steps back. He still had a firm grip around her left wrist. “While I admire your spirit, that, my dear, was not wise.” Even as she fought him and caused him pain, Loki found this woman to be far too arousing for his peace of mind, not that he had that much to begin with.

 

     Adrienne nearly growled. She was beyond pissed off. This man had gone far further than any other; this could probably be called assault. She wondered why she didn’t scream for help, but part of her, a part she wanted very strongly to kick into silence, wanted to show him she was strong enough to take care of herself. She knew from experience that no matter what they said, men did not like strong, independent women.

     She knew he was aroused, had no doubts what had pressed against her belly when he pulled her close. She wondered how far he would go, and it was to her endless mortification that despite these thoughts and his behavior, Adrienne was also very aroused, almost painfully so. Unlike him though, she had no intention of giving in to her desire. It warred with her sense of self-preservation, particularly at his foreboding words.

     “I don’t give a damn what you admire,” she hissed back at him. “Release me, before I call security to throw you out.” She stood as tall and imperious as she could considering he was at least four inches taller than her, and that was in her massive heels.

     “You should. I can make your life very miserable. Or, I could make it very short. I’m sure S.H.I.E.L.D. won’t miss you if you get caught by your target so easily.” To her surprise he did release her, despite what she belatedly realized was a threat to either torture or kill her. She massaged her wrist where she knew a bruise would form. It was probably a small miracle it wasn’t broken.

     “You are batshit crazy, you know that? I have no idea what the hell you think is going on here, but I think you need to find your way back to whatever psych ward you came from.” He laughed at her! He actually laughed at her. “What the hell are you laughing at?” she fumed.

     “Tell me, out of idle curiosity, what is your cover? Who are you pretending to be?” She just stared at him. There was no way this gorgeous, super-model of a man was so far gone as to think she was some sort of spy. She groaned and took a few steps backwards, running her hand across her forehead.

     “That’s just my luck isn’t it? You really can pick ‘em, Adri,” she muttered to herself.

     “You do feign ignorance well,” he drawled, seemingly bored.

     “That might be because I’m not feigning anything,” she bit back venomously. “Who the hell are you?” Adrienne demanded, completely exasperated. She took a few more steps backward toward the gallery railing, totally forgetting about the back of her dress and having to catch herself on the rail when she tripped.

     “Ha! As if you didn’t know. Well, little one, if you insist on this charade, I’ll play along. I do love games.” He took a step toward her and bowed in a mockery of regality that spoke to ingrained training on how to do it right. “I am Loki, formerly of Asgard.” Now it was her turn to laugh. She knew it infuriated him, but the expression of self-righteous indignation on his face just made her laugh harder.

     “You must truly be out of your mind if you think I’d believe that.” She wiped tears of mirth off her cheeks, careful not to smudge her eyeliner and mascara. “Thank you for the laugh though.”

     “Why, foolish mortal, might that be?” That question brought on a fresh wave of laughter. Adrienne finally brought herself under control after he took a few steps closer to her, raising his walking stick. He might be crazy, but in her book that just made him more dangerous.

     “As a child, I too was quite fond of the myths of the Gods and the nine realms, but that is what they are, stories. Hell, I read them to my children as bedtime stories, but I have not believed in them for many years.” Now she saw a hint of amusement in his gaze. Amusement and something she could not identify. He drew near and leaned against the railing a few feet away from her, and this time she didn’t move away, crazy as that made her.

     “Who are you?” He asked simply, that same unidentifiable emotion rolling around in his gaze as he searched her face. For what, she didn’t know. Adrienne shrugged and held out her hand after a moment.

     “Dr. Adrienne Hawthorne- surgeon, charity worker, and apparently attractor of crazy men.” He stared at her hand a moment before taking it and raising it to his lips, a challenge in his gaze. She held it, but pulled her hand back quickly after he released it. Now that she wasn’t being manhandled, she found his hands to be soft and warm. She enjoyed them touching her way too much for the sake of comfort or propriety. _Who’s going to see you Adrienne?_ “Are you going to tell me who you really are?” He gave her that smirk again.

     “I already have.”

 

     Adrienne rolled her eyes to the ceiling in a confusing, but amusing, gesture. Or so Loki thought. _Adrienne. Such a beautiful name, and with such a meaning,_ he thought idly. _I wonder if you will live up to it._ He had be loath to release her, but had to admit to himself it was wise to do so, if also a little selfish. Her touch did too many things to him, made him feel as though he was losing control. The simple fact that she made him feel at all was enough to bother him. At the same time, though he knew he could deter anyone who came at her call, he wanted her all to himself.

     Loki was amused by her statement. She claimed not to believe in these “stories,” and yet here she stood, talking to a god. The irony was not lost on him, but he did once again question the existence of intelligence in this realm. He was curious about what she had said about children- _her_ children. He filed that away for later contemplation and use.

     “You believe I lie about my identity,” he responded, a mischievous smirk playing at the corners of his lips. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling again. _What is it she seeks up there?_ he wondered.

     “I believe, if that is who you believe you are, you really do need a referral to a psych ward, and really? I’m not that kind of doctor.” The corner of her mouth lifted in the smallest of smiles as she glanced at him. He was slightly amused at her reference, and the thought of displaying his power to her brought a small answering smile to his face, but decided that would spoil the events of the evening, and he could not afford to have them interrupted. The Titan would certainly not be pleased if the Teseract could not maintain a stable bridge as the Chitauri came to Midgard. Besides, he was quite enjoying this game. He shrugged a shoulder in a motion that could only be described as elegant.

     “Perhaps, or perhaps I merely do not yet wish my identity to be revealed.” He let her mull that over, wondering if she saw the hint of truth manipulating the statement, then he continued on a different trail of conversation. “You mentioned this was your party,” he hedged. He knew perfectly well who was hosting this event, so he was curious why he couldn’t read a lie in her previous statement. She startled and grimaced. Perhaps she knows I have caught her in a lie. Loki did not expect her words nor the clear ring of truth they had.

     “You could say that. My friend, Dr. Heinrich Schäfer, is hosting the event. He’s the guest speaker as well, but the fundraiser is for my charity.” She crossed her arms and scowled down at the people in the hall below. To him, she looked proud and displayed as much regality as he might expect from his mother, or perhaps his aunt, Frejya, both queens of great realms. Even in her displeasure she displayed power and courage. He did not know how to respond to her words however.

     “I take it you do not enjoy these events.” She rolled her eyes. Clearly it was a motion she did often, though he still could not fathom its meaning.

     “Ha! I appreciate the funds and the small number of people who actually care about the work we do in Mali, but most of these people, as I’m sure you are well aware,” she looked at him pointedly, “are not here because they care. They seem to be under the… misguided impression that women who run charities are so desperate for money they’ll go home with any rich boy with a checkbook.” She raised her brows at him sardonically and he had the uncomfortable impression she was referring to the incident a few minutes before. For some reason, that bothered him more than he thought it should. He didn’t like the idea that she associated him with the mortal men who had accosted her earlier in the evening. He was sure she was a spy, if not for S.H.I.E.L.D., then for one of his immortal enemies, for she certainly had magic aplenty. Loki could not however hear even a hint of a lie in her words- not even one of omission. He began to internally panic, scouring the hall for any hint of Asgard or S.H.I.E.L.D. and found none. It was difficult to believe his judgment had erred so far, but he could find no reasonable alternative; he was mistaken about this woman’s identity. Grasping at anything he could, Loki asked about the only connection he was positive about- she knew his target.

     “You are acquainted with our host and speaker. His speech will be soon, will it not?” There was that smile again. It transformed her face and drove-out all ability for him to form coherent thought as another pang of desire knifed its way through him to his groin. Loki frowned and tried to brush it away, a sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. He had no idea how anyone could have known he would be here tonight since he himself did not know until today, but this had to be the connection that eluded him.

     “Yes, Heinrich and I are old friends. His company is a partner in the hospital and the single largest financial contributor. Sometimes I think tonight, hosting this in Germany was a ploy for him to get me to visit. These days I only leave Mali when I have no other choice. He and Petra miss us, I know.” Loki was surprised by both her words and the curious wondering look she gave him. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. Especially not after what happened earlier. It’s so strange.” She looked at him a moment longer then glanced away, a blush coloring her cheeks. He wondered if she wasn’t as calm and collected as she appeared on the outside, but decided that while it pleased a part of his brain that didn’t deserve acknowledgment, it was as it should be. He was after all a God. His hand twitched up to touch her again before he realized what he was doing and wrenched his gaze away from her. Before he could take his leave however, she turned to face him fully and inclined her head.

     “As much as I thank you for taking my mind off the people down there, I must return. Heinrich will be giving his speech soon, and it would be bad form for the guest of honor to miss it.” She smiled slightly and turned toward the stairs leaving him looking after her in confusion. “Enjoy the rest of your night, whoever you are,” she said before descending the stairs, the smile in her voice easily heard.

     “Beware that you may live in interesting times,” he whispered, paraphrasing the old mortal saying, and it was as much a promise as a lament. Either she didn’t hear or she chose not to since she kept walking. “Who are you, Adrienne?” Loki asked himself as he turned back to look down on the hall. For one second, just one, he almost regretted the chaos he was about to stir up. He didn’t want to see the fear in her eyes when she looked upon him, its creator. The walking stick in his hands grew painfully hot, the Titan’s fury seeping into his mind, pushing everything else aside. His gaze hardened on his target at the podium below him. He was Loki, rightful king of Asgard, and he had an eyeball to retrieve.

 

     Adrienne had no way of knowing what had started out as a miserable night at a fundraiser in Stuttgart, Germany was about to become very interesting, and that the chance meeting she just had would shape the events of her future for a long time to come.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same disclaimer as always: If it's recogniseable from film and comic it isn't mine. This will be the last chapter before Thor 2 comes out on October 31st (I think we all know what I'm doing on Halloween). I hope you enjoy this even though it is a bit shorter than chapter 1; the next few chapters will be longer. I'm also sorry there isn't more Loki action in this chapter, but I promise there's lots in the next one. This chapter is primarily about Adrienne and getting deeper into what makes her who she is. We also see a different side of the destruction Loki caused in Stuttgart. Have fun!

     Loki smirked. His plans were coming together quite nicely. The Hawk had the material from the lab, and Loki was right in the middle of his enemies’ forces. He thought it incredibly comical that they thought to hold him in this pitiful vessel. He only needed to stay in this cage a little while longer, a cage not even meant for him. Soon, the Hawk would be there and the next stage of his plan would begin. His once-brother and his allies would soon be unable to step in his way, mere pawns in a game much larger than they could imagine. They would be scattered to the winds before they knew it. Just another day, and all his patience and careful planning would pay off. Now, with nothing better to do, Loki decided he would take a nap. Much to his chagrin, his dreams were filled with visions of a woman with the most curious hair and expressive, hate-filled eyes. _Who are you Adrienne?_

 

     Adrienne sat numbly in the hospital room belonging to her dear friend Dr. Heinrich Schäfer, the events from three nights ago playing through her mind on repeat like a demented film. She could neither turn them off nor fast-forward through the horror she had witnessed. It was nothing short of a miracle, she supposed, that Heinrich had survived the event at his age. Still, it didn’t change the fact that he was going to be at least partially blind, and she was going insane.

     After she had come down from the gallery, she had proceeded to the dais where Heinrich was giving his speech about the charity and the work the hospital was doing. Then all hell broke loose. In the middle of it all, that strange man she had met on the gallery, Loki, came striding up, his face completely expressionless. He used that horrible walking stick to attack the security that tried to stop him, then he took Heinrich, the poor man, and hauled him down onto the sculpture in the middle of the hall, flipping him completely over it with an ease that should not have been possible for a man his size. In that moment she could almost believe he was the God he claimed to be.

     The next part was what she wanted so desperately to forget. He had taken some sort of device and attached it to Heinrich’s left eye. By the time he had gone, and Adrienne had made it to her friend through the throngs of scattering people, his eye was little more than a gelatinous mess. He was in shock, but she was able to stop some of the bleeding with his jacket, which took longer to get off him than she would have liked. As much as it disturbed and hurt her to hear his cries of pain, she kept him awake until the paramedics arrived and took over. She knew they could barely understand her German through her tears, but she couldn’t control them.

     She had caught sight of the madman as he left the hall, and decided she had either lost her mind, or the reality she knew needed to be thrown out the window. The man shimmered with gold light as he walked, his tuxedo replaced by some kind of green and black leather outfit with gold armor and a green cape that looked very medieval. His gold walking stick was replaced by a long spear that was headed with a nasty looking curved blade inset with a blue gem that mirrored the one in the stick. A gold helmet with massive horns curving above it covered his head. This could not be that same gorgeous and dangerous man she had seen just moments before in a tuxedo. Her mind fought what she had seen, but she remembered their altercation in the gallery. He had exuded such power and strength, arrogance and ego, threats- Adrienne had to admit she may have been very wrong about those myths. It was like those extra details clicked into place and her whole world shifted on its axis. She was adrift in a sea of hope and possibility, but there was also a driving, paralyzing fear as she realized that she had just insulted a God.

     As she and the paramedics loaded Heinrich into the ambulance, Adrienne saw Loki again. He was seated in profile on the steps leading down into the square with his hands raised in surrender. His helmet and cape were gone and the spear was laying on the ground a few meters away. Before him stood two men- one in a suit of red and gold armor that covered his whole body, and one in some sort of red, white, and blue costume with a shield. An aircraft was landing behind them. He turned to look at her suddenly, a devilish and wicked grin twisting his face into something dark and frightening, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were now definitely blue and seemed to glow as though they were lit from inside. She shuddered and got into the ambulance, closing the door rapidly behind her. Not matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t push him from her mind.

     Adrienne had since learned that the device had been used to take some kind of a real-time, 3D image of Heinrich’s eye so that some partners of the crazy man- she refused to even think his name- could break into his lab and steal some kind of rare metal sample. It all seemed so stupid to her, but then again, she hadn’t had much faith in humanity since before Heinrich had pulled her back from the edge. She still didn’t know who these people were, but she didn’t care, as long as they were caught and punished for what they’d done. She didn’t hold out much hope of that happening, but it’s what she wanted.

                Adrienne winced as she got up from her chair, her stiff joints screaming in protest at every motion. She walked down the hall to the vending machine, nodding to the nurses as she passed. She needed coffee, badly, if she was going to keep going like this. She knew she had to sleep at some point, but every time she closed her eyes she saw the events of the party again. She was vainly hoping that if she became so tired she passed out that maybe she would be too exhausted to dream. After her coffee filled, Adrienne went to the phone in the lounge and dialed the satellite phone Sarah carried. She hadn’t heard her kid’s voices in days and decided it might cheer her up.

                “Hello?” Sarah’s voice was like a balm to Adrienne’s senses. She slumped in the chair she was sitting in and sighed in relief.

                “Hey, Sarah. It’s Adrienne.”

                “Oh my god! Adrienne! Matthew called and told me what happened. Are you alright? How’s Heinrich? Jesus, it’s good to hear your voice.” Adrienne smiled. Sarah was tough as nails, but she could be a little melodramatic.

                “Yours too. I’m fine. Rich hasn’t woken up yet, and frankly I don’t blame him. It was awful, Sarah. I don’t know how he even survived.”

                “Oh, sweetie. He’ll be fine, you’ll see.” Adrienne doubted her words but kept silent.

                “He’ll be at least partially blind. His left eye is gone. He also has a few broken ribs and some scrapes and bruises. Right now, I’d be happy just to have him wake up.” Adrienne knew she was wallowing, and so did Sarah. The difference was, Sarah wasn’t going to stand for it.

                “Adri, he’ll wake up. Matthew already spoke to the surgeon. They said there was no evidence of brain damage. You’ve treated worse actual injuries here with a third the resources. He’ll be fine.” Her voice was gentler at the end. After a pause she asked what Adrienne had been hoping for since she caught sight of the phone. “Do you want to talk to the kids?”

                “Like crazy. Are they there?”

                “Yeah. They’ve been coming with me after school. Alec sits in my office and does his homework while Julianne draws and bugs him.” Adrienne breathed a sigh of relief.

                “What have you told them?”

                “Just that Rich was hurt and that you wouldn’t be home for a little while longer.” She nodded even though Sarah couldn’t see her.

                “Put them on.” After a moment Adrienne nearly cried as she heard their voices.

                “Mama?” It was Alec.

                “I’m here baby. Is your sister with you?”

                “Yep. She’s here too. Say high to mama, Julie.”

                “Hi, mommy!”

                “Hi, sweetie. Are you being good for Aunt Sarah?” She could almost see the scowl on Alec’s little face.

                “Of course we are. She lets us sit in her office after school, but we can’t go outside and play.” To Alec’s seven year-old mind, that was the most important thing.

                “When you come home, mommy?” Adrienne could hear the tears in Julianne’s voice.

                “Soon, baby Mama will be home soon, just as soon as Opa Heinrich is feeling a bit better.”

                “Is he okay?”

                “Of course, Alec. He’ll be alright. He just needs a lot of rest right now.” Adrienne stifled a yawn, but Sarah heard it.

                “Alright you two. Your mommy needs to go back to Opa Heinrich. She’ll talk to you again soon. Why don’t you two go see if Jake will get you a snack?”

                “Okay!” Adrienne could hear little feet hitting the floor. “We wuv you, mommy!” Julianne said before Alec pulled her from the room.

                “Thank you, Sarah. I know they can be a handful.”

                “No one ever said taking care of a seven year-old and a four year-old was easy.” She chuckled.” You take care of yourself, Adri. You’re exhausted. Find a bed and fall into it for a few hours at least. You need to keep up your strength.” Adrienne sighed. She knew Sarah was right, but she was terrified of what she would see if she closed her eyes. “Adri? Are you still there?”

                “Yeah. I’m here Sarah. Take care of the kids. I shouldn’t be more than a few more days.”

                “Take your time. It’s not the vacation we wanted you to take, but you need a break, Adri. Take this time with Rich and Petra to relax.”

                “I will. And, Sarah? Thanks. For everything.”

                “You’re welcome. Now go sleep!” Adrienne hung up and just sat in the chair for a few minutes before making her way back down the hall to Heinrich’s room. As much as she hated to admit it, Sarah was right. She needed sleep.

                When she returned, though, Heinrich groaned and turned his head to look in her direction. He squinted but it was clear he had no idea who had just entered his room. He couldn’t see her. Adrienne sighed in relief that he had finally woken up and sagged down into the chair by his bed.

                “They say the discomfort will pass, but I have a feeling they’re just trying to make us feel better. Does it hurt?” She asked rather emotionlessly. She was barely hanging on.

                “Nein. The pain is not so bad.” His voice was hoarse from disuse and he grimaced. She leaned over to press the button for the nurse to come. When she sat back down she took his hand in hers and squeezed it gently. “What happened, Adrienne? I cannot see you. What has happened to my eyes?”

                “Do you remember nothing?” Adrienne asked, sincerely hoping the doctors here weren’t wrong about the brain damage.

                “I remember we were at the fundraiser for your hospital. When was that?”

                “Three nights ago.” He grimaced, though whether it was in physical or mental discomfort she didn’t know. She squeezed his hand reassuringly.

                “I was giving my speech when a man came up. I think he attacked the security guards. Ist dass richtig?”

                “He did. Do you remember what happened next?” It was clear that he did so she didn’t press him. “Your eye is completely gone. Whatever he did to it destroyed it.” She let that sink in, let him come to terms with it and the shock of the whole incident.

                “Do you know why he did it?” Heinrich asked hoarsely after a few minutes. Just then the nurse came in. She checked all his vitals and under Adrienne’s instructions administered another dose of pain medication, though Heinrich denied needing it the whole while. After she had gone, promising to send in the doctor soon, Adrienne settled back into her chair.

                “It was all part of a theft. He was just one man of a group who broke into your lab and stole   some sort of metal. They needed your eye for the security retina scan to get entrance to the lab.”

                “Did they succeed?”

                “Yes.” He sighed, suddenly looking very weary and every day his age. That spark of life she so loved was, for once, absent.

                “What is troubling you, my dear?” he asked gently. Adrienne hated crying, but the tears she had held back for two days suddenly decided they would no longer be denied.

                “I could have lost you. I know how fragile life is better than most, but I never really thought about how little time we might actually have.” He chuckled, then winced as he noticed his battered ribs.

                “Don’t cry, Liebling. You will have to put up with me for a while yet, I think.”

                “I hope so,” she said, smiling for the first time in days. Suddenly serious again she asked, “What was it, Heinrich?” hoping he knew, and hoping he didn’t.

                “A very rare specimen. We were experimenting with its various properties. It came to earth within a meteorite many years ago. We were just beginning to unlock its potential for stabilizing nuclear reactions.”

                “What will they do with it?”

                “I don’t know, Adri. Our findings were just speculation. It was far from being put to any use and even if we were closer, there just wasn’t really all that much material to work with.”

                “Do you know who they might be? Did you recognize the man who attacked you?”

                “No, I wish I had.” She squeezed his hand again and leaned back in her chair.

                “I don’t know what his real name is. I almost think I believe what he told me, insane as it was. He said his name was Loki, as in the Norse God. I met him on the gallery before you gave your speech. I knew I should have called security. He practically assaulted me, but he backed off, and after he told me who he was I though he was crazy. We talked for a while, but he didn’t touch me or threaten me again. He didn’t breathe a word about what he was planning. I’m so sorry, Rich! I had no idea.” The tears threatened to brim over again.

                “It’s alright, Liebling. Calling security would have just ended with more people hurt, perhaps even yourself.” She laughed a little hysterically, tears running down her face again. Adrienne would never tell anyone the shameful reason she actually let him get away.

                “I swear, half of what I saw that night had to be hallucinations. I can’t accept it was real. They apprehended him as we were loading you into the ambulance. The rest of his team got away.” They were both silent for some time, not really sure what more to say as Adrienne once more fought to get control of the emotions she usually held so tightly to her. She was not weak, and in her line of work, it was imperative she be able to keep a mask of calm authority when not playing with the children. Anything else could get people killed.

                “You should rest,” Adrienne finally said. “Petra stepped out, but she should be back soon.” They sat in silence for a while longer before the doctor came in. He spoke to Heinrich about the damage to his eye and ribs and the plan for his recovery. He also did an evaluation to check his memory to rule out any brain damage. After what felt like ages he left them alone again.

                “The Polizei have been told to stop looking into both the events at the fundraiser and your lab. There is some kind of military organization that’s taken over.”

                “S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

                “Yes. They have Loki. How did you know?”

                “It doesn’t matter. There is nothing we can do now. I think I shall go back to sleep.” He lay down and closed his good eye abruptly, keeping hold of her hand and leaving her with more questions than she had before. _Who is this S.H.I.E.L.D.? What have you gotten yourself wrapped up in, old man?_

               

Loki flew back to Stark Tower as fast as he could on the Chitauri sled he was riding. He was rapidly moving between extreme anger and total despair, never settling on one long enough for it to take over. He knew what had to happen in the next few minutes, but he certainly didn’t have to like it.

                After it had become apparent what the Mad Titan was about, Loki knew he could not let his plans actually succeed. He had rapidly gone about pushing and pulling the strings behind his web of chaos in an attempt to make sure no one suspected him of intentionally throwing this battle in favor of the stupid Midgardians, especially the Titan. It was bad enough the Titan was going to torture him for failing, if he ever got his hands on Loki, but if the Titan even suspected he had betrayed them, Loki would find himself very painfully without a life-force. He was quite furious that the Titan thought he Loki, God of Lies and Chaos, could possibly be manipulated and controlled as little more than a puppet. On the other hand, he was rapidly falling into a state of depression at the thought that he would once again be giving up the throne of a realm in apparent defeat by none other than his once-brother. This time though, he feared his punishment would be rather longer than before, and would likely include retribution for that previous failure to take the throne of Asgard.

                As he neared Stark Tower, Loki saw Hawkeye taking aim at him. Despite everything, he smirked as he caught the arrow. If Loki didn’t have the reflexes of a god, he knew that arrow would have killed him. Then it exploded, throwing him from the Chitauri sled he was riding and onto the observation deck of Stark Tower, thoroughly pissing him off. As he righted himself, Loki saw that great hulking beast out of the corner of his eye, and braced himself for impact. _Right on time_ , he thought, as the beast grabbed him and threw him through the window of Stark’s observation deck. It took every ounce of control he had to resist fighting back against the green monster. _This must happen_ , he repeated the litany to himself over, and over again.

“Enough!” Loki shouted at the beast before him, knowing exactly what to say to provoke him. “You are all of you, beneath me!” He threw as much of his anger and despair into that statement as he could. “I am a God, you dull creature,” Loki said with utter disdain. “And I will not be bullied by…” He was cut off as the Hulk grabbed him by the leg and proceeded to pound him into Stark’s floor, repeatedly. Finally satisfied, he left Loki where he lay in stunned and wondering pain, muttering “puny god,” as he walked outside.

 

                Adrienne stared in mute horror at the television screen in the hospital lounge as she watched the destruction of Manhattan. She couldn’t identify the alien creatures she saw attacking, which didn’t really surprise her since the seemed to be coming out of some kind of wormhole in the sky over by the Empire State building, which in itself was a frightening thought. Her mind was having less trouble coming to terms with yet another reality shifting paradigm that she thought it should, but there was nothing she could do about that. She fleetingly thought of the stupidity of news casters in staying in disaster zones as the disaster happened, but she had to admit, that was sort of what she was doing with her hospital. It was in the middle of a war zone, though which one sort of shifted as they day changed. Every time one war ended another started, seemingly overnight.

                Her over-taxed brain took another blow as she recognized one of the figures flying by on one of the enemy aircraft. It was Loki in all his gold and green armor from outside the museum a week ago. Somehow she doubted he was trying to reign in the destruction. Adrienne was ashamed to admit to herself just how gorgeous he was, like a vengeful god riding through a corpse riddled battlefield, the gold of his armor and horns gleaming in the sunlight. She was well aware of just how twisted her attraction to him was, but couldn’t bring herself to care. It was like the man had stepped out of the pages of one of the novels she read in what little free time she had. Adrienne knew it was despicable, but that one glimpse had brought back all her memories of the heat and longing he had stirred within her at the fundraiser, the desire.

The memory of what he did to Heinrich kicked her logical brain back into control so fast Adrienne thought she had whiplash. She was furious at this dangerous, powerful, sinfully alluring man. She was furious at what he did to her body and her judgment, and she was furious he made her so afraid. Still, some part of her, a part that was quickly silenced, wondered just how very interesting it would be to really _know_ a man like that. Adrienne couldn’t afford to entertain thoughts like that though. She had two kids, and getting involved with dangerous men was the last thing she could afford to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 3 due November 9th after all the dearies in the states have a chance to see The Dark World (which was AMAZING!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The standard disclaimer applies: if it looks/sounds like Marvel, it most likely is, and I take no credit. Next, I am quite aware that this is a day late, and I do appologize for it. I sort of forgot yesterday. I've also generally given up re-formatting once I copy the text into the editor. Sometime's it stays like it's supposed to, sometimes it doesn't, so I'm sorry about that. Enjoy and please comment.

Adrienne woke up to the sounds of birds chirping outside the window and momentarily didn’t recognize the room she lay in. It was cold; much colder than her house in Mali. This place wasn’t air-conditioned, but it was certainly much cooler than the arid desert surrounding her village. She stretched and rolled onto her side then froze as she saw the picture of her with Rich and Petra that sat on the dresser. _Heinrich._ The picture brought the whole of the last three weeks back to the forefront of her mind. “Some vacation this turned out to be,” she whispered to the otherwise empty bedroom. The fundraiser had gone down the drain, Rich had been injured and needed nearly constant care from her and Petra, and lately she was feeling decidedly crappy and increasingly paranoid. Everywhere Adrienne went she felt like she was being watched, and twice now she thought she had seen _his_ reflection standing behind hers in shop windows. Both times she had turned around to find there was no one there. At the very best it was disconcerting, but most of the time it was exhausting to continually look over her shoulder; to be constantly afraid _he_ would come find her. It was irrational and ridiculous, and Adrienne berated herself for succumbing to such fears. She was very confident in the knowledge that he had been captured; they had been assured such by a representative of S.H.I.E.L.D. Even so, she couldn’t shake these feelings.

After lying in bed for a while longer Adrienne drug herself to the shower. Today she would pack up her things and prepare to go home. She needed to get back to her kids and her work. Shopping therapy really wasn’t her thing no matter how often Petra insisted she get out of the house for a breather. The hot water worked the muscles in her back, and slowly Adrienne relaxed. Everything would be alright when she returned home. Later, as she drank her coffee on the back deck, Heinrich found her. He still looked pretty gruesome with the gauze eye-patch, but he didn’t stumble when he walked or grip his ribs hardly at all. He took the seat next to hers and poured himself a coffee. They sat in silence for a time just enjoying each other’s presence and the birds that flitted around the garden.

“Is there nothing I can say that will make you stay a little longer?” _Jumped right to the point, didn’t we?_ Adrienne thought wryly. The old man never did mince words. She sighed and looked out at the garden.

“I already feel like I’ve stayed too long. You know I never could handle doing nothing.”

“I remember. You are quite possibly a worse patient than I.” The corner of her mouth turned up slightly. The last time she had been sick she had tried to ignore it and keep working until she had nearly passed out from exhaustion. Rich had almost had to physically restrain her just so she could recover.

“I need to go home, Rich. I need to see my kids.”

“You know you will always have a home here, Adrienne. Promise me you will come visit again soon. If anything, this experience has given me a new appreciation for how short life is. I want to be able to see my grandchildren a few more times before I die.” Adrienne glanced at him sideways and shook her head. Alex and Julianne weren’t his grandchildren by blood, but he was the closest thing to a father Adrienne had known, so it was an ample description. The kids had always called him _Opa_ , German for grandfather, and Petra _Oma_ , grandmother. That was who they were, and Adrienne couldn’t deny them that joy.

“Now you make me feel guilty for not coming. You’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“I am an old man, Adrienne. I won’t be here forever.” She didn’t want to think about that, but he had a point.

“How about Christmas? We haven’t had a Christmas together since Julianne was born.” He smiled and nodded, taking a drink of his coffee.

“I would like that very much.”

“Alright then.” Adrienne finished her coffee and made to get up.

“When does your flight leave?” he asked, grasping her wrist.

“Tomorrow afternoon. Two o’clock.”

“We will take you to the airport. We’d like to see you off.” Adrienne didn’t argue, so Heinrich released her. She went back inside to her room to read, but quickly found that she couldn’t keep her mind off _him._ Every man in each of her novels reminded her of him, became him in her mind’s eye, and she became the woman. She tried to catch up on some readings in medical journals, but that didn’t help either. She finally gave up and tried to take a nap. She should have known her mind wouldn’t give up that easily. Her dreams were filled with him- lovely scenes of the two of them in her books, and horrific nightmares inspired by the fundraiser.

Adrienne jerked awake hours later, breathing hard and covered in sweat. The last dream was so vivid she hadn’t thought she was dreaming. _I need help!_ She thought before going to get cleaned up for dinner. It dragged against all her notions of strength and pride, but she admitted that she was going to have to find a counselor or a therapist or something, even if it meant she had to drive across the desert to a larger city. She would do it, because this, whatever “this” was, absolutely had to stop!

 

Loki stared morosely at the wall of his cell. It had been a little longer than a Midgardian month since the attack on Manhattan and no one seemed to be in much of a hurry to send him and Thor back to Asgard. He was certainly not complaining, but he was bored. In that time, what injuries he had healed quickly, and Thor had come nearly every day to try and pry information out of him about the Chitauri and to try to “convince Loki of his love.” For the first week Loki had enjoyed toying with Thor. Then he grew bored of that, for in all honesty the great oaf had not come up with a new reaction to Loki’s taunts in centuries. Eventually, just to get Thor to leave him alone, Loki had told him an extremely edited version of events from the time after he had fallen into the void. After another week Thor decided he was not going to get any more information, but the idiot still came to visit every day. He would pace and talk about whatever came to his mind, completely oblivious the fact that Loki was studiously ignoring him. To his unending annoyance, most of the rest of the Avengers came to visit as well. Sometimes alone and sometimes in pairs, but at least one came every day. Loki was not sure what they were doing since most of the time they either ignored him or just stared at him, particularly in the case of The Widow. His plan had gone off without a problem, no one suspecting he had any part in the “positive” outcome. It was despicable, but no matter how he despised his once-brother and the Allfather for their betrayals, all he really wanted was their attention and acknowledgment that he was every bit as worthy of the throne as Thor, that he wasn’t always second best. Loki could not stomach the idea of the destruction of Asgard. That agent who had tried to prevent his escape from the flying ship was absolutely correct—Loki lacked conviction. It almost bothered Loki that such an insightful human had died at his hands. Almost.

Loki had spent the entirety of the last two weeks doing little more that staring at the various walls outside his glass cell with nothing more to entertain himself than his thoughts and what little magic he could do with his hands bound. He had long since ceased to notice the comings and goings of the Avengers. Now that he was free of the Titan’s control, Loki could finally see clearly again—and all he felt was shame and disgust at some of the horrible acts he had committed. _How have I fallen so far?_ Loki wondered miserably. He would have to suffer the pain and humiliation of this defeat, this surrender in disguise. He doubted anyone would believe him if he told the whole truth anyway, so he was not even going to bother wasting his valuable breath. For these reasons, and many Loki could as of yet not admit to himself, he was going willingly to his punishment. Such was the curse of his silver tongue.

Loki closed his eyes and sought the strings of seiðr deep inside him. His hands could still manage the motions of the spell to send him to the astral plane, bound as they were, but it was more difficult than he would have liked. First he sought his mother. He still felt the large stone of guilt over disappointing her. She sat in her private garden on Asgard, starring sadly at the miniature waterfall at its center. She must have sensed his presence because she turned to look at him, but he shifted away, his name nothing more than a whisper on her lips following behind him. Next he sought the Woman. He refused to say her name. To even think it, hurt him more than he wanted to admit, even to himself. She had done something to him, some magic; she must have. That was the only reason he could fathom that would cause him to feel so much guilt and anger over hurting her.

Over the weeks he had occasionally slipped into the astral plane to watch her. He was not particularly sure why other than to punish himself. Her glorious visage inspired something akin to rage within him, though not as fierce. Loki thought this rage was directed at the Woman for what she had done to him, the weakness she made him feel. This was likely a lie; however, it held true in his mind. She had looked tired and frightened the last two times he had seen her, and while it did not detract from her beauty in the least, he knew it was his fault. She had seen him at least once, he knew, so he had stayed away for a while. For some reason, even though he was so angry at her for causing him to feel these weak, human emotions, he still did not like the idea that he was causing her pain, even if she could not see him.

When he finally found her, it was not where he might have expected her to be, particularly not after seeing her in all her fierce splendor at the gala in Germany almost six weeks before and seeing her around a large modern city in the following weeks. She was fast asleep in some sort of cottage; a tiny place, only three rooms, made, it seemed, of mud with thatch reeds for a roof. It didn’t seem she needed much more space though. The furnishing was rather sparse, but everything had a purpose, and somehow it still felt cozy, homey. There was an abundance of fabric in many colors and patterns draped about the room—hanging upon the walls, drooping from the ceiling, covering the windows. It was odd, but the linen made the little room almost beautiful. He drew closer to her bed and decided it must be hot wherever she was. Sweat had gathered between her shoulder blades and ran in rivulets down her beautiful face. In the astral plane, he could only interact with her environment through sight, sound, and the illusion of touch. A quiet whimper caught Loki’s attention. He walked to the other side of her bed and realized she was not alone in it. Curled up beside her were two small children, a girl and a boy. The resemblance to the Woman was uncanny. They were just as beautiful as their mother.

Loki did not know what to do with the swell of emotion that bubbled up inside of him at the image. He had always loved children, though he was not allowed to see his own often. They were so innocent and in love with life, their minds like bright lights shining through storms of ignorance and hate that swirled and eddied between the citizens of the realms— _all_ the realms. The fact that she so obviously loved her children did not surprise him; he had heard it in her voice when she spoke of telling them the myths about his people. It did, however, make him feel all the worse about what he had done to her, how he had hurt her, and how she now despised him, and all that much angrier for the mere existence of the emotions within him. His memory flashed to the look of fear and horror he had seen on her face before she entered the mortal vehicle with the man whose eye he had taken, her friend.

Loki rose and turned away from the bed, unable to cope with the disgust he felt with himself. His mother and this woman who really did not know much about him at all had both treated him with a measure of kindness and respect that no other had gifted him with. He had repaid them both with violence and suffering, and for that he would not, could not, allow himself to be at peace. He would not subject himself to this anymore today. There was only so much one could feel at one time before they broke down completely, and Loki had no intention of ever breaking—especially not for her.

 

Three weeks later Loki found himself before the Allfather “answering for his crimes.”

“Hello Mother. Have I made you proud?” Loki was pleased to see his mother. Odin, on the other hand, did not elicit the same feeling.

“Don’t make this any worse, Loki.” _So that’s how this will play out,_ Loki thought. _At least I know it_ can _get worse. Maybe it should…_

“Define worse.” Frigga, while pleased to see her son alive and in one piece, was not pleased about the circumstances surrounding his return. It also displeased her very much that he refused to let go of his façade, of his mask. She could see that something had changed, that much was obvious. His words were not so sharp, his nonchalance more forced. She could see the strands of seiðr woven so subtly, so elegantly, so impenetrably about him. The image before her was not truly Loki, and she was quite sure of two things: that Loki was trying to hide something from her, and that Odin was completely unaware of any of her observations. He would proceed with the course of action he had decided upon, and Loki did not seem to be of a mind to dissuade him from it.

“Enough! I will speak to the prisoner alone,” Odin said, commanding the room. Frigga looked at her husband, but he did not look at her. Resigning herself to the fact that she was going to have to untangle this mess slowly, she took one last long look at her son before leaving him to face Odin’s punishment.

Loki watched his mother leave the hall. He knew what she had seen and that it had displeased her. No doubt the truth would have displeased her more, but it would have also given her hope as much as sadness, a hope he could not allow to take root. _She would nurture that hope within herself,_ _but my failure would be the pass of the knife that finally broke the last threads of her faith in me._

Weeks later, as he grew accustomed to the idea of living in the Asgardian version of a glass box, Loki once again sought out the Woman. She slept at her desk, as he had found her so many times before. He had begun to enter her dreams through the astral plane some weeks past. They were a place in which he could let out many of his frustrations as well as seek answers to his many questions about this woman. It had, at first proved to be a challenge to achieve both of these goals. Her dreams, or dream, as it were, consumed her and further infuriated him. It was like being inside some demented loop of time. Every night she re-lived the gala in her dreams. The part of him that truly enjoyed causing chaos was somewhat pleased by that, as was the part that—much like a preening youth—was pleased she was dreaming of him.

After less than a week, he grew bored of that, so he began to manipulate the dream. Loki quickly realized he had grossly underestimated the strength of her subconscious. He could not pry into her other memories no matter how hard he tried. He decided distracting her was the best course of action. The first thing that came to mind was to replace her friend with her. Perhaps if she was busy trying to fend off an attempt to take her eye, she would not be so able to confine him to this one memory. After almost a week of attempting that, Loki came to the conclusion that not only was this method of inception _not_ having the desired effect, it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to objectively harm her. He found that harming her did not really give him any pleasure, even if it was only in a dream. _It never really has, has it?_

                Upon realizing this, Loki had left her alone for a time. He had much to think about. Visits from his mother were not helping his guilty conscience either. She believed he was lying to himself, had said as much on more than one occasion. He knew she was correct, but still he could not put into words what his mind had discovered.

                Today he decided to enter her dream once more. He didn’t exactly have a plan, a first for sure, but the need to _do_ something was overpowering. Upon entering the dream, Loki saw that even though he no longer manipulated the dream, it remained in the same loop he had forced upon her. The look of utter glee on the face of his character as he held the Woman to the table horrified him.

                “What have I done?” he whispered. Abruptly, before his counter self could proceed with its torture, Loki created an illusion of the first place that came to mind. She had seemed comfortable here, safe. _I do believe that is how homes are supposed to feel,_ he thought as she looked around. Seeming satisfied that she was no longer held to a table by a madman, the Woman slumped against her bed and began to cry with her head in her hands. It was such a human action, and filled with so much pain and relief, Loki could only watch, his feet firmly rooted to the floor and his eyes on her. After a time, she rose and stumbled to another room, completely oblivious to his presence. Loki followed quietly, curious as to what she would do. He found her in the largest room spooning a brown powdery substance into a cup. She added steaming water and a splash of amber liquid from a glass bottle. Upon closer inspection, he found it to be strong alcohol called ‘whiskey.’ She drank the entire cup before gasping and putting the mug in the sink.

                “I have to stop sleeping. This is ridiculous.” She shook her head and turned around. When she saw Loki she froze and backed up into the counter. “You son-of-a-bitch. What the hell are you doing in my house?” Without further preamble she launched herself at Loki, fists swinging. Loki was so surprised at her reaction she actually connected with his jaw and nose twice before he managed to get ahold of her wrists. “Let go of me! You asshole! Get your filthy hands off me!”

                “I am not here to harm you. I am…” Adrienne drove her knee up into Loki’s thigh and twisted out of his grasp. She lunged back towards the counter and searched for the knife she usually kept there. It was nowhere to be found, but her heavy ceramic coffee mug was still in the sink. She grabbed it and held it ready to bash into his head if he came any closer.

“The hell you aren’t. What else would you be here for?” Loki gripped his thigh and raised his other hand in supplication.

“Woman! I am not here to harm you! I am not even truly ‘here.’ Neither are you.” That made Adrienne pause.

“What do you mean? Why should I even believe a word that comes out of your mouth? You’re the god of lies aren’t you?” Loki grimaced. It seemed that particular title was coming around to bite him lately. “And I do have a name. Surely you can’t have forgotten it.”

                “At this rate they are going to have to remove my title of ‘silver tongue’ as well as imprison me,” Loki said dismally under his breath. Louder he addressed Adrienne, “You never woke up. This is merely a dream. You are still blissfully asleep at your desk, or not so blissfully as the case may be.” Adrienne narrowed her eyes and looked around the room searching for a way around him. Loki, seeing this, sighed and moved himself to the opposite wall so the entire room was between them. He may have been endlessly frustrated with the Woman, but if giving her space was going to allow him to finish his conversation, so be it.

                “How did you…? Nevermind.” Adrienne folded her arms across her chest. “So, I’m asleep? You’re in my mind?” Loki inclined his head.

                “I am in it, not of it.” Adrienne narrowed her eyes again at that.

                “Why are you here?”

                “In truth, I do not know, a rarity to be sure.”

“That’s rich, coming from you.”

“However, at the moment I feel rather inclined to apologize for my poor manners.” Adrienne stared at him mutely for a moment before breaking out in laughter. It was oddly reminiscent of their conversation at the gala.

                “Is this some new kind of torture you’ve concocted? Some new trick? You must not be as smart as you think you are if for one second you thought I was going to fall for that.” Loki watched her curiously. He had not really given any thought to the matter, another sign that he was probably actually going insane; however, while he had not exactly foreseen her violent reaction, the Woman— _Adrienne_ he conceded—was much stronger than her small frame suggested.

                “You are different,” he said simply. “At first, I thought you were some new enchantress sent by Odin to contain me. Certainly you had some great magic that you could keep me from my task that night.” Loki began to pace along the wall, not looking at Adrienne as he spoke. “I hated you so deeply, I raged against you and what you had done to me. So I watched you, and searched your dreams for the answers I sought. There were no answers to be found, though. You are as ever, a mystery to me.” He finally looked at her again. “Perhaps, that is all the answer I need.” She was just as stunning here as in the waking world, just as fierce, just as beautiful. Her expression was also just as guarded and closed as it had been the last time Loki had stood before her. “I see by your expression that today you will not grant me what I seek.”

“And what is that?” Adrienne said venomously.

“Forgiveness,” Loki said quietly before leaving the dream and returning to his cell.

Loki allowed every emotion he held firmly locked in the recesses of his mind to rage through him. All the pain, loss, guilt, regret and fear- these he understood, accepted. The others were so foreign to him he could hardly even remember their names- hope, trust, safety, kindness. There was something else there, but Loki could not recognize it at all, for he was not sure he had ever felt such a thing. It was powerful and pure and bore a remarkable resemblance to hate, but it was not. _Is this love? Is this that which I have disdained for so long?_  Loki released it all through one powerful surge of magic. It was probably a good thing there was not more than a few items in the cell because what _was_ there was blown around the small room with tremendous force. The lights flickered, and the inhabitants of the surrounding cells moved as far from his as they could. The magic based walls of the cell held, though, and when everything had settled, Loki righted the bed and fell into it. He hadn’t slept so deeply in years.

 

 

                Days had passed, weeks. Adrienne was slowly able to relax and stop looking over her shoulder. She wasn’t healed, not by any stretch of the imagination, but she was getting better. The hospital was blissfully quiet for the first time in a long time so she was taking the opportunity to get caught up on paperwork. They didn’t charge their patients in the traditional sense since most of them had nothing to pay with, but she still had to log the inventory of supplies and make sure everything was in order with the charity funds. Sarah had brought her a cup of coffee a few hours previously but Adrienne had barely touched it. She hadn’t touched her lunch either. Objectively she knew she had to eat; it was a basic necessity of life, but most days Adrienne had no appetite whatsoever. A sharply clinical part of her knew this loss of appetite was related to her PTSD, but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything about it.

                Every week, Adrienne set up the satellite system and used the webcam on her computer to call her therapist. They would talk and try to work through the nightmares and paranoia still haunting Adrienne. It helped, she knew it did, but some days it just didn’t seem to matter. The days she caught a glimpse of _him_ were the worst. She would lock her office door and curl up on the couch and cry. Her pride hated the crying, but no matter what she tried to tell herself, she couldn’t stop. The therapist said it would get better, that she’d stop seeing him as her mind healed. Adrienne seriously doubted that. _I will see that man’s face in my mind until the day I die,_ she thought bitterly.

_“How do I stop seeing someone who is part of the fabric of my mind?” she had asked once a few weeks past._

_“Your mind will heal, Adrienne. As it does, he will no longer be a part of that fabric.”_

_“Emma, he’s in my dreams. I drink so much coffee during the day that I should probably overdose on caffeine, but instead of sleeping at night, now I’m falling asleep during the day when I just can’t stay awake any longer.”_

_“How long are you staying awake?”_

_“I think the longest I’ve made it is about 72 hours. Sometimes less, sometimes a little more.”_

_“I don’t need to tell you that can’t continue. Your body can’t take the strain for long.” Adrienne nodded. “Tell me more about these dreams. Are they all the same?”_

_“No.”_

_“’No.’ That’s it? Come on, Adrienne. You have to tell me more than that.” Dr. Emma Blake sighed and shook her head when Adrienne didn’t continue. “I thought we were past this Adrienne. It’s been almost four months since the attack.”_

_“I know. This isn’t easy though. The dreams. At first they were of that night. It was always the same. Later, they started to change. Instead of…Loki… attacking Rich, he started attacking me. He would say things, horrible things. It was like he was trying to cause as much pain as possible. I would wake up with the worst headaches, like someone had been pounding on my brain.”_

_“Go on, Adrienne. Do you still have this dream?” Adrienne shook her head and wiped the tears from her cheeks._

_“No. About a month ago, that dream stopped.”_

_“There is a new one? Or more than one?”_

_“Yes. Emma, I’m so frightened sometimes. It’s like he’s really there in my mind, not just me projecting a memory. I don’t even know I’m dreaming until he tells me I am, or I wake up. At first, I thought I was in my house, then in another I thought I was in some kind of throne room. I’ve been to so many places in those dreams.”_

_“Are you still being hurt?” Adrienne was stubbornly silent as she stared out the window. “Adrienne? You know I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”_

_“He hasn’t hurt me again. He just asks for forgiveness. I become aware of my surroundings and I see him. He apologizes then he asks for my forgiveness.”_

_“What does he apologize for?”_

_“What do you think, Emma?”_

_“I don’t know. It could be any number of things.” Adrienne shot her therapist a condescending look then rolled her eyes._

_“Fine! He apologizes for hurting me, for frightening me, and occasionally for his bad manners.”_

_“I take it, you haven’t granted your forgiveness.”_

_“No. As soon as I say I won’t he nods and I wake up. I won’t forgive him, Emma. Not in this lifetime.”_

_“You know he’s not really in your mind, Adrienne. Have you considered he is a manifestation of your subconscious?” Adrienne looked at the computer screen blankly. “Alright. What if your subconscious is trying to prompt you to forgive Loki? Maybe it’s telling you this is how you yourself will begin to heal?” Adrienne laughed._

_“Seriously? You think my subconscious is sending me weird dreams in an effort to force my forgiveness of him? That’s insane?”_

_“Is it?” Adrienne had no response to that. It really wasn’t that crazy. She just didn’t want to admit it. “I want you to do two things for me this week. First, start limiting yourself to 4 cups of coffee a day and at least a liter of water. Next, think about what I’ve said. Try forgiving the Loki in your dreams. It may allow you to rest easier. Same time next week?” Adrienne nodded and Emma cut off the connection._

                The sound of children laughing drifted through the windows breaking through Adrienne’s silent reverie. She smiled when she saw Alec and Julianne playing with the children outside. They were so innocent, so sweet. Alec worried sometimes; he could tell something was wrong with his mum, but he would just climb up on her lap and give her a hug. “It’ll be okay mommy. I promise.” Those few words would always brighten her day, no matter how dark it had been before. Adrienne had tried reducing her coffee intake, but she hadn’t forgiven Loki yet. She didn’t think that was going to be possible.

                “Oh for the love of God! I’m not getting anything done today,” Adrienne groaned as she rose from behind her desk. It was far too beautiful a day to be cooped up inside. Moments later she was outside in the courtyard kicking the ball around with the kids. She was so focused on them she didn’t see the man in the shadowy corner of the yard smile sadly as he gazed at her.

 

               

Late that night, Loki shifted into Adrienne’s house. He stopped at the small room next to hers to find her son, Alec, fast asleep. A second bed had been moved into Adrienne’s room, but it sat empty, the covers strewn about. Instead, the little girl was curled up in Adrienne’s arms. He watched them a moment before entering Adrienne’s dreams. Tonight he wove together an image of his old chambers in Asgard, complete with the balcony overlooking the city. He found Adrienne there and situated himself in the opposite corner.

“Where are we? I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so beautiful.” Loki frowned, but did not voice his objections.

“It is a rather enjoyable view.” After a moment, Loki watched her a touch warily. “Are you going to attack me tonight? It is not that dislike our little sparring sessions just that… well, I do.” Adrienne smirked a little.

“I haven’t decided yet. Does your pride dislike being injured by a woman?”

“You cannot truly injure me here, Adrienne. You must know that by now.”

“Mhm. Doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy trying.” Loki frowned and opened his mouth to answer, but Adrienne continued. “You said my name.”

“What?”

“You called me by my name. Tired of saying ‘woman?’”

“I suppose I did. Perhaps I have merely accepted that you are worthy of my respect.” Adrienne turned to face him. “Perhaps you are more than just a title, even one such as ‘the Woman.’” Adrienne turned away again.

“Where are we?” Loki sighed and looked back out over the city.

“What you see before you is the view I have had from my chambers since I moved into them from the nursery. This is Asgard.” Adrienne’s eyes widened.

“You brought me to your home? To your room?”

“We are as of yet still outside.” Adrienne rolled her eyes.

“It’s a beautiful place.”

“From here, yes. Up close, I think you’ll find the golden city does not shine quite as brightly.”

“They never do, do they?” They looked out in silence for a time, the green and gold curtains behind them blowing in the wind. “You know I won’t forgive you,” Adrienne said quietly after a time. “My shrink thinks I should, that after more than five months you’re a figment of my subconscious trying to force me to heal. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t. Either way, I cannot forgive you for what you did.” Loki nodded.

“I had thought as much when you mentioned enjoying attacking me.”

“Will I wake up now?”

“Not if you do not wish to. You may stay here and rest as long as you like. You should know, my command of your dream only extends to these chambers. If pass through the doors, your sleeping mind will take over again.” Adrienne nodded and Loki vanished. He looked down at her sleeping form a moment more. In many ways tonight was a step forward—a small one, but a step nonetheless.

“Rest easy, Adrienne. Perhaps another night I will find what I seek.”

A small hand reached out for him as he made to leave, but it passed through him since he was little more than an image here. He looked back, surprised to see a beautiful pair of golden eyes ringed in blue staring up at him in awe, not a shadow of fear in their depths. It took him a moment to realize it was not Adrienne’s eyes he looked into, but those of her daughter. He would swear they were exactly the same.

“Are you a angel? Were you sen to watch ofer us?” Her quiet voice was no more than a whisper on the breeze. Loki really had no response to her question. He was certainly not one of the angels from the Christian religion- far from it. Nevertheless, he knelt down by the bed and returned her gaze.

“No, little one, I am not.” She frowned at him and shook her head.

“You pwetty enough to be a angel.” He smiled. She was so pure, so honest and without guile.

“I am not an angel, little one.”

“My mommy says we all has a gardwian angel who watch us while we sleeps.”

“Your mother is a smart lady. I am not an angel. I am, however, here to protect you.” He paused as he recognized that for the truth it was.

“An Awec and mommy too?” She looked up at him as though it was the most important question in the world, and to her child’s heart, it probably was.

“Yes, your mother and your brother too.”

“Okay.” She smiled brightly, and it reminded him so much of _her_ smile, the smile he was unlikely to see on her face again—not whilst looking at him at any rate—that his chest ached. He smiled sadly at her. “Why you cwying?” Loki reached up to touch his cheek. When he pulled his hand away he saw the silver shine of tears glistening on his fingers.

“I do not know, little one.” And truly, he did not. The combination of feelings roiling inside him was too alien for him to even comprehend.

“Julianne?” a voice like chimes on a spring morning whispered into the dark. Loki pressed his fingers to his lips in a motion for her to be quiet even as he motioned the spell to make him invisible. “Who are you talking to, baby?”

“Our gardwian angel, mommy.”

“You saw an angel, sweetie?”

“Uh-huh. He was jus here. He say he weren a angle, but he were pwetty just like you say angels are, and he say he here to pwotec us.”

“That’s great, baby. You can tell mommy all about him in the morning. Go back to sleep, sweetie.” She kissed her daughter’s head and they both lay back down. Loki watched a moment more before returning to his own body. He realized as he rolled over to stare at another wall of his cell that there were silent tears still running down his cheeks.

“I will do my best, child, to protect you, and one day maybe I’ll earn your mother’s forgiveness.” Loki hoped dearly he would not be foresworn; that he could keep this one promise. Maybe one day he would be able to stand proudly before them like a true prince of Asgard.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Julianne is about 3 years old, and as such I have written her lines phonetically as I hear my 3 year-old students speak.  
> 2\. I'm using the comic mythology to Loki's children, not the norse, primarily because the serpent, horse, and wolf are just a bit to complicated to explain in the context of this story.  
> 3\. seidr is magic. I've used the actual symbol where the d is. I don't think it's actually a d sound, but it's the closes approximation that I know. Hopefully it shows up in the actual text. Otherwise this is a rather pointless note.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Standard disclaimer applies: if it looks like Marvel, it probably is, and I take no credit for it.*
> 
> Author's Note: I'm really sorry this is so late. I was held up getting ready for the Dr. Who 50th Anniversary Celebration, then ended up stuck in England an extra day. I'm home now, though, and have this for your reading pleasure. I will warn that it is probably not what you're expecting, but it sets up some of what's happening in the next couple of chapters, particularly on the note of incoming characters. Just as a reminder, Julianne is only around 2-3 years old, so that's how she speaks. Also, full sentences in italics are thoughts; fragments or individual words are just emphasized.

“Mommy see you too?” Loki looked down into the face of an angel. He hadn’t even heard her approach, so focused was he on watching Adrienne play with the children, watching her smile. He hadn’t seen her smile—really smile—in days. He crouched down beside the little girl who looked so much like her mother it hurt.

                “No, little one. Your mother can’t see me.”

                “Why not?” Loki tried to come up with a plausible explanation the little girl would understand, but for once his silver tongue failed him. He settled for the truth, or a piece of it.

                “Your mother does not like me very much, little one. It would make her quite sad to see me.” A shadow passed over Loki’s eyes as he remembered Adrienne’s tears. He tried to stay out of sight as he watched her, but sometimes she would turn too quickly or catch his reflection in a mirror. He hated to see her cry every time he failed to stay hidden. He hated that he continued to cause her pain. His attempts to beg pardon for his indiscretions and seek forgiveness only seemed to anger her and cause her more pain. He did not enjoy this, but could come up with no other way to show her his sincerity then to be constant in his entreaties.

 The little girl gazed up at him with such open, expressive eyes. _Just like her mother_.  She surprised him by reaching out to touch him with her tiny hand, but just like before it slipped right through him. “You can see me little one, but you cannot touch me.” She frowned at him and opened her mouth to speak but never had the chance. Loki looked up in time to see Adrienne running toward them, and she looked livid. He quickly whispered a message in the little girl’s ear, ended the spell and returned to his body before Adrienne could reach them. Loki knew he was in for a very long and painful night alone with his guilt.

 

Adrienne had never been as afraid in her life as she was in the moment she saw _him,_ crouched down, speaking to her daughter. She acted on impulse, sending the other children inside and moving toward the pair as fast as she could, fear rapidly being replaced by vicious anger. _How dare he go anywhere_ near _my children!_ She thought. He looked up and saw her. For a moment she thought she saw his eyes flash with the pain and sadness she was beginning to expect in her dreams, but it was gone in an instant. He whispered in Julianne’s ear and she nodded before he disappeared into thin air, fading like he had been no more than a waking dream. Adrienne grabbed Julianne and hugged her tight. She didn’t want to ever let the little girl out of her sight again.

“Julianne, are you all right? Did he hurt you?” She hugged her again, but Julianne tried to squirm out of her reach.

“He no hurt me mommy. He our angel. He pwotec us mommy.” That just made Adrienne angrier at him. He would lie to a child just to get closer to her. This had to stop!

“What did he tell you, Julie? I need you to tell me everything he’s ever told you. It’s very important, sweetie.” Adrienne sat them down on the steps into the hospital. Julianne hid her face in Adrienne’s neck and started to shake and sniffle. “Swettie! What’s wrong?”

“You mad at me mommy?” _Mad? Why-?_

“Of course not, baby. Why would I be mad at you?”

“You look really mad when you see him. He said you can’t see him ‘cause you don’ like him and he make you sad. It was a secwet.”

“Oh, sweetie! I’m not mad, but I do need to know everything he told you, okay? Can you do that for Mommy?” Julianne nodded. Adrienne was going to kill that bastard if she ever saw him again.

“He say he weren an angel, but he here to pwotec us.” Julianne rubbed her little fist against her eyes and sniffled again.

“Is that what he said today?” She shook her head.

“He say that when I see him at home.” Adrienne suddenly remembered the night a month ago Julianne told her she’d seen an angel. _He was in my room!_

“What did he say today, baby?” Julianne looked like she was going to start crying again. Adrienne rubbed her back and held her close. “It’s alright, sweetie. You can tell me.”

“I ask if you see him and he say no. He say he make you sad. When I try to toush him he say I can’. I onwy see.”

“What did he tell you before he disappeared, Julie?” Julianne started crying again and wrapped her little arms around Adrienne’s neck.

“He say he sorry he hur’ you an’ he say I no see him again.” The idea of never seeing him again did not bother Adrienne in the least, but it was obviously upsetting Julianne. _How could anyone be so cruel?_ The answer came unbidden to Adrienne’s mind and she pushed it away, thinking about how close her daughter had been to one of the most dangerous men in the world. Adrienne almost had to laugh as she rocked Julianne on their way to her office. _He_ was probably one of the most dangerous men in all nine realms. The fact that she could even truthfully say that was frightening in itself. Alec was sitting on the couch when Adrienne entered the office. She lay his sleeping sister next to him and sat down at her desk, opening her arms for him to climb upon her lap.

“Is Julie alright?” he asked as he hugged Adrienne.

“Of course. She just needs a nap. You can go out and play with your friends again if you like.” She ran her hand through the unruly curls falling over his forehead, smiling down at him.

“Can I stay with you, mommy?” Adrienne’s smile widened, finally reaching her eyes.

“Of course you can. Do you want to help me with my work?” He nodded. “Alright. Why don’t you start by going to ask Jake to make us some tea, then you can help me organize all these papers. Sound good?” His face brightened and he nodded again, hopping off her lap. Adrienne looked after him as she picked up her satellite phone and called Heinrich. She wanted a way to contact S.H.I.E.L.D., and she was pretty damn sure Heinrich had one. After what Julianne had just told her, she was certain now that the man in her dreams was not some figment of her subconscious or her imagination. He was real, and he was not supposed to be here!

 

 

 

Loki was losing his mind. There was no other way he could find to describe the situation he was currently in. It had been a month since Adrienne had caught him talking to her daughter—four miserable weeks! He had kept his promise to the child and stayed out of sight. He had only even visited twice since the incident, both times at night and only briefly to reassure himself that they were alright. Not seeing her was driving him crazy, but so was boredom. This cage in which he sat was so like that other cage on Midgard, and so different at the same time. The walls here were not glass, but they were still designed so the guards could see him at any time. They didn't often watch, not like those guards S.H.I.E.L.D. sent to watch him, but they still saw nonetheless. There were no cameras in the corners this time, but the horrid white light was the same. There was a relatively comfortable bed to sleep in and chair to sit in with tables holding various basic necessities for life- food, wine, water to wash with. Frigga had sent books and a chess set and writing supplies with which to pass the time, but the problem was he had read every book cover-to-cover a half a dozen times and played chess with himself so many times he’d lost count.

Loki was not foolish enough to write many of his thoughts onto the paper, but some months past he did attempt writing letters. At first he only wrote to his mother, primarily apologizing for his horrendous behavior. She responded, but he didn’t receive her letters often and they were open when he did receive them. That had bothered him almost enough to make him stop entirely. There was a certain indignity in knowing someone besides the intended recipient was reading his private correspondences. After a few weeks he got up the courage to try writing to Adrienne. He didn’t expect that he’d ever find a way to give it to her, nor that she’d ever read it if he did, but it helped to work through some of the now-familiar confusion in his mind. It became easier after the first time, the words flowing easily from pen to parchment like the ink-in-water her dress had resembled at the gala. Loki spent time every day writing to Adrienne, about himself, about her, about what he saw when he watched her. There were stacks of letters from the last few months under his bed. He didn’t think he’d ever been so blatantly honest in his life. He spent the last month writing new letters to add to the stacks and re-reading older ones.

His hands were no longer bound, but his magic had been dampened after he’d destroyed his cell five months ago. It took a lot of effort to access the astral plane now, and it was starting to show. As Loki looked in the mirror above the back wall he saw the deep shadows under his eyes and the hollowness below his cheek bones. The vessels and bones in his once lithe hands were becoming more and more prominent. The effects of weight-loss could also be seen in how his tunic hung from his shoulders and his once fitted leather trousers hung low on his hips. _It’s only been eight months,_ he thought grimly. Loki dully wondered how long it would be before he didn’t have the strength to do magic at all if this was the damage he had sustained after a mere eight months of incarceration in the dungeons of the Golden City. It couldn’t be helped, though, he supposed. Not if he wanted to continue to see Adrienne.

And that was the crux of the matter. Could he sacrifice the magic and power he had left in his body in order to see her a few more times? It wasn’t as though he could do more than beg her forgiveness in her dreams, and that did not seem to be going well. He could really only watch her from the shadows, and not much longer at that. _What little time I have is better than nothing, I suppose._ Loki sighed deeply, letting his head fall. How had he fallen to this point? How had he come to desire the sight of a woman so much—a woman he barely knew; a woman he knew intimately; a woman who despised him? There was no logic to be applied, no reasoning, no simple solution to explain what had happened to him, what had changed. It simply was. The whole situation infuriated Loki, but he could no longer find it in himself to continue to lay the blame at any feet but his own. This was the worst punishment the Allfather could have concocted for him—had he actually known what punishment he was handing out—and Loki knew he deserved every moment of it. This aching emptiness was not going to go away, and he did not desire that it should. It reminded him of what he gave up when he turned away from her all those months ago in Germany. It reminded him of his promise to her daughter, and his vow to himself. This pain, this loss, this was Loki’s penance, and he would endure every agonizing moment of it.

 

 

For the first time in a very long time, Loki unwound the illusion surrounding him. He pulled off every single layer of magic that hid his true appearance. When he was done, he fell to his knees before her. To his surprise, Adrienne did not move away from him any further. She did not run, she did not cower. Actually, she did quite the opposite. She stepped toward him. It was one step, one hesitant step, but it was all he needed.

                “I do not doubt that I have very little knowledge of remorse, for I have never felt such for my actions in the past. I have only felt guilt towards one person—save you—and she has long since assured me of absolution in her eyes, no matter how many times I assure her I do not deserve such trust. Please understand that I am not a good man. I was never destined to be one. I delight in chaos, even fear. I tell you all this, I show you myself without illusion so that you may understand me when I beseech your forgiveness for my actions against you and your friend, against your family.” Loki, though humbled, still had enough pride to look into her eyes as he said this. He would not look away now, not ever again.

                Adrienne looked down at him thoughtfully a few minutes before her expression hardened again. She turned away and went to look out the window above the sink, finding herself once again in her own house. Loki bowed his head.

                “Is this your answer then? Does the quest continue?”

                “It does. Even though I’ve calmed down since our fight last week, and even as I hear your request and the truth in your voice, I still wonder. I am still in pain Loki, and I don’t know if that pain is ever going to go away.”

                “I understand, Adrienne. I understand that I am the cause of that pain, and I would atone for it if only I knew how. I will not surrender this fight Adrienne. I cannot surrender this fight.”

                “Who is it you fight for, Loki?” Adrienne turned back to face him. “Do you fight for me, or for yourself? When you know the answer to that, we might both be able to take a step forward.” Adrienne turned away again. “Leave me in peace, Loki.”

                “As you wish, dear Lady.” Adrienne woke with tear stains on her cheeks and a headache. Seeing Loki in that dream had almost been worse than the torture of reliving the night at the gala. His eyes were so shadowed, his skin had lost its healthy glow. The veins in his hands stood out and his clothes hung off of him. It didn’t look like he’d had a haircut in some time either. That was not the powerful arrogant man from Stuttgart. It wasn’t even the same man who had originally asked for forgiveness six months ago or the one she had be so angry to see in the courtyard with Julianne. She had almost said yes, this time. After eight months of healing, she had almost forgiven him.

                “How do you do this to me?” Adrienne whispered into her empty room. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” With tears still running slowly down her cheeks, Adrienne lay back down and tried to sleep, but her dreams were full of Loki. She knew it wasn’t really him, but that didn’t make it any less painful. These dreams were almost worse than the ones he was actually in. These dreams were created by Adrienne’s own mind using the words from her favorite books.

 

 

                Now, every night when Adrienne slept, Loki would come and ask her forgiveness. Sometimes they would fight, sometimes she would simply refuse and he would leave. Unfailingly, after he left Adrienne would go back to sleep and dream of another life; a life in which he loved her, and she him in return. A life where they were both happy and undamaged. It was a life that could never be, but one Adrienne began to desperately want to become reality.

Adrienne squinted through bleary eyes at the door to her office and yawned. She had fallen asleep at her desk again, which was still a common occurrence almost a year after “the incident.” Ever since that damn fundraiser she couldn’t get a full night’s sleep, which led her to randomly be overcome with exhaustion throughout the day. Thankfully, it usually happened when she sat down to do paperwork instead of in the operating room, but that was just sheer luck.

“A year and I _still_ can’t get a sound night’s sleep.” Adrienne yawned again and shook her head as she grabbed her coffee cup on her way to the pot down the hall. The hospital wasn’t by any means large or state-of-the-art, but it was well equipped. Adrienne’s office was in the administrative building, which was composed of a single hallway about 20 meters long with three rooms on either side. Sarah, Matthew, and Adrienne had offices on one side of the hall. The other housed two supply rooms and a break room. A generator supplied electricity to power the laptops everyone used to keep records, the lights, and the eternally brewing coffee pot. The main hospital building was L-shaped and created two of the other sides of the courtyard. Inside one wing was the main ward where most of the patients stayed if they needed to be there overnight. The other wing housed an operating theater and their version of an emergency room. It doubled as the clinic. All told, they could care for 30 patients overnight, plus ten more in the emergency wing if absolutely necessary.

Adrienne poured her coffee automatically without really even needing to look at the cup. She loved her life here and really couldn’t imagine going back to working in a regular hospital. All told, she didn’t think _that_ was really in the cards for her anyway, but it never hurt to remember. Working in the overcrowded and chaotic ERs in London and New York had pretty much disillusioned her to her ability to actually help people. Here, though, in this place where survival was based on hard work and the basic ability to find food, Adrienne was really making a difference. _So why do I feel so off-balance and out of place?_

                “That stuff is the nectar of the gods.” Adrienne nearly spilled her coffee at the sound of the new voice.

                “Sweet Jesus, Matthew! You have _got_ to stop sneaking up behind me.” Matthew grinned. He was a few inches taller than Adrienne, but then again, nearly everyone was taller than her. Today he had apparently decided to forgo coming his unruly blond curls, instead leaving them to stick out in every direction. Besides his hair and brown eyes, Matthew could have been Adrienne’s brother, and was often mistaken as such when they went to events. In all honesty, he was the closest thing to a brother Adrienne had ever had.

                “Got to keep you on your toes, now don’t I?” Adrienne cocked an eyebrow at him. “So tell me, how does a Brit, such as yourself, justify inhaling coffee the way you do? I was under the impression you only drank tea.”

                “Sure. And you only drink coffee and beer, don’t you. Really, Matthew? You’ve known me for how long, and _now_ you question my choice of beverage?” He shrugged. “Fine. I love a good cup of tea any day, but I will be the first to tell you, coffee has a bit more kick to it when you want to stay awake for long periods of time.” She turned back to her coffee cup and added bit of non-dairy creamer. “Are we getting actual creamer in the next shipment? This crap is horrid.”

                “Don’t think so. I think the next supply is mostly medical. We are getting materials to repair the fence though. Maybe it’ll help keep raiders out.” Adrienne snorted and raised her eyebrow at Matthew again. “Alright, maybe it won’t. That’s why there’s going to be machete’s in there too.”               “Machetes? What exactly are we going to do with those?”

                “Well, I thought we might distribute them to our night guards.”

                “You mean to whoever patrols the fence. That would be us. You do realize of the 30 people who live and work here on a mostly permanent basis, only about five or ten would actually know what to do with one of those and have the guts to use it.”

                “It was a thought. They are also somewhat intimidating and could deter some intruders.”

                “Not likely, but we’ll give it a shot. They are to be locked up away from the kids at _all_ times. I don’t need any of the children to get their hands on them and accidentally take off a limb while they play lion hunt.”

                “You got it. Shipment should be here at the end of the week. Jason and Elspeth are going to pick it up. They’re taking Rico as a guard.”

                “Good. We’ll plan on doing a full inventory when they get back.” Both lapsed into silence as they drank their coffee.

                “So,” Matthew began awkwardly, immediately signaling Adrienne about what he was going to say next.

                “I don’t want to talk about it, Matt.”

                “I didn’t even ask a question yet!”

                “But I still know what you’re going to ask, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

                “You can’t keep it all bottled up, Adri. As your friend—and the only person here with a degree in psychiatry—I’m telling you, you have to talk about it eventually.” Adrienne almost smiled at how serious Matt was; the one who always had a smile and a joke to lighten the mood.

                “That’s why I have a shrink. I talk to her once a week when we hook up the satellite. We’re such good friends, Matt, I couldn’t burden you by making you my shrink too. I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

                “I can’t say I’m not a little hurt that you didn’t come to me first, but I do understand. I trust you to operate on me, but I wouldn’t necessarily want to put you in the position where you’d need to.”

                “Exactly. We understand each other then.”

                “Will you at least tell me who it is?”

                “Are you going to pester me about it until I do?”

                “Yep.” Adrienne sighed, but knew he would. “It’d just be easier to tell me now.”

                “Believe me, I know. It’s Dr. Emma Blake. She’s from New York.”

                “I know her. She’s good.”

                “You’re not going to be an ass about it then?”

                “Nope. As long as you’re getting help, that’s all I care about. You’ve got to stop mainlining coffee as though it’s air.”

                “I wouldn’t have to if I could sleep through the night.”

                “That’s my point.”

                “I know.” They lapsed into silence again. Adrienne sighed. “I have to get back to work. I have a meeting with the “board” today as well as with my shrink. I need to get my notes together.”

                “You do that Adri. Don’t forget—tonight’s movie night. The kids said they were really looking forward to it.” Adrienne smiled on her way out of the break room. Tonight everyone in the compound would get together in the courtyard to watch a film. They’d hang a sheet and play the film off a laptop hooked up to a projector. It was the highlight of all the children’s week. This month was Disney themed. So far they’d shown Snow White and The Lady and The Tramp. Tonight was Mulan—fun for the girls and boys.

                “I’ll be done long before then. If you see Sarah, tell her the meeting is at three if she wants to join in.”

                “Will do Adri.”                                                                                        

                “Thanks Matt!” She called back. Now if only she could stay awake that long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter due Sunday December 1st.
> 
> I'm not adjusting formatting, so however it pasts into the text box is how it goes up. If you see grammar or spelling errors, please notify me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The standard disclaimer applies*  
> Just for a frame of reference, this picks up right after chapter 4 and does contain some profanity. As before, I've given up formatting in the actually AO3 text box, so if the paragraphs are right, great. If not, oh well.
> 
> UPDATED 13.12.13  
> UPDATED again 18.1.14

“Well, _that_ was pleasant, and by pleasant I mean a total and complete waste of time,” Sarah complained, flopping onto Adrienne’s couch.

                “You don’t need to explain your sarcasm to me. I completely concur,” Adrienne replied as she shoved Sarah’s feet over so she could sit down.

                “It’s been eight years, Adri. Eight bloody years, and those asshats _still_ think they can dictate to us!”

                “I know. They’re bureaucrats; what do you expect? Anyway, they don’t live here, and we do. It’s not any more dangerous now than it was last year, or the year before. As long as we receive more supplies than we lose and receive visitors from the local militant groups less than twice a month, I’m not going anywhere.” Sarah yawned and nodded in agreement.

                “I’m just tired of their crap.” Adrienne smiled a little.

                “Aren’t we all?”

                “Mhm. When are you calling Blake?”

                “As soon as you get out of my office.”

                “Oh, in that case.” Sarah rolled her eyes but made no move to get up. “Do you still see him?” Adrienne dropped her head back against the wall and sighed deeply. She so did not want to talk about this.

                “Yes. When I’m awake I just see glimpses here and there: in the reflection of the coffee pot, rounding a corner, out of the corner of my eye. Usually just a glimpse, so I’m never really sure if I’m actually seeing him or if my brain is playing tricks on me.” Adrienne always had trouble lying to Sarah, so she was grateful when Sarah didn’t press the fact that she was clearly holding something back on that score. Instead, she shifted direction a little.

                “You said, ‘when I’m awake.’ What does that mean?” Adrienne was silent for a long time. “Adri? Is it really that bad?”

                “No. That’s the problem." Adrienne sighed and rubbed her tired eyes. "This stays between us, Sarah. I don’t want to put this on you, so if you think you might feel like sharing with Matt, let me know now.”

“Really?” She cocked an eyebrow at Adrienne’s comment. “You didn’t ask him to be your shrink for a reason. Besides, I know more about you than pretty much anyone ever, so just spit it out.”

“When I sleep, he fills my dreams. I used to just re-live the fundraiser, but then… You’ll think I’m totally nuts.”

                “Probably, but that’s why I’m your best friend: I already think you’re totally nuts.”

                “Ha ha! Very funny.” Sarah just shrugged and waited for Adrienne to continue. “You know I stopped reading?”

                “What? Your romances? Why?”

                “Because lately, every one of the rakes is him. I see the stories play out in my sleep. He’s the devilish rake and I’m the woman whose heart he stole. That’s after he comes into my dreams to ask my forgiveness, which I don’t give. I know it’s actually him, not my subconscious, so don’t even go there. I told Blake the dreams stopped a few months ago, so she still thinks it was my brain trying to force me to heal.” It was Sarah’s turn to so sit silently in thought. “See. I told you, you think I’m bonkers.” Adrienne stood up and went back to her desk.

                “That’s not it. I do think you’re crazy, but this doesn’t really add to that, so big deal. My question is, did he really steal your heart? In one exceedingly short, eventful, and violent night, did he steal your heart?”

                “That’s what you ask? Out of all that, that’s what you hung on to?” Adrienne rolled her eyes laughed a little. “I don’t know Sarah. Part of me, a very twisted and probably sick part of me, has been thinking along those lines since I first laid eyes on him. For one moment I forgot about Ethan and everything he did to me, to us. I was almost willing to take that leap of faith again. Then the clock struck midnight and the faery tale ended. That much larger part of me can’t help but be completely, utterly, and irrationally terrified that he’ll come back, and when he does, he isn’t going to be in my dreams or just a projection Julianne can talk to.”

                “Whoa! Back up. I missed something. What they hell are you talking about now?”

                “Did I forget to mention that?” Sarah nodded and gave Adrienne her best ‘how do you forget that?’ face.

                “About six months ago, a bit after he had started asking my forgiveness, Julianne woke up while Loki was in my room. She thought he was an angel because she could see him and talk to him, but couldn’t touch him; her hand would go right through him. From what I gathered later when I caught him talking to her in the courtyard, he told her that I couldn’t see him because he ‘makes me sad.’ Her words. He also said he wouldn’t be coming back, which is how I know he’s actually in my dreams. I didn’t dream of him _at all_ for about a month. It was supposedly a secret. Suffice it to say, all those times I thought I saw him while I was awake, I probably did.”

                “So he’s escaped from whatever prison they put him in?”

                “I don’t think so. The last few months, every time I’ve seen him he’s looked horrible—like he hasn’t had a haircut in ages and he isn’t getting enough to eat or enough sleep.”

                “Then, how can he be appearing here, or for that matter, how is he in your dreams?”

                “Magic? If you believe he actually is one of the Norse gods, who are apparently all aliens, if the news is to be believed.”

                “Yeah, I’m still working on that one.”

                “You didn’t see the live footage coming out of New York when Loki attacked with a hideous and vicious army of creepy aliens.” Sarah shrugged and stretched out on her back on the couch.

                “True, but it still sounds to me like you need to answer a question for yourself: what are you really afraid of? Him— which, in light of everything you’ve just told me, is totally justified by-the-way—or yourself?”

                “Sarah,” Adrienne began.

                “Let me finish. If you’re afraid of him, I would hold on to that, but understand that he’s—probably—not watching you every moment of the day just waiting for a moment to pounce on you. The chances that he’ll even be released from whatever prison they shoved his ass into in our lifetime is pretty slim. Your logic sounds like that of a rape victim, and trust me, I know. You can turn that into a healthy respect for the need for safety, not abject fear of shadows in the corner.

“On the other hand, if you’re afraid of yourself, you don’t have anything to worry about. You are decidedly the most logical and dependable person I know. No guy is going to be able to break you again unless you choose to let him. Ethan hurt you too deeply for you to allow that, but you do have to love again, Adri. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this guy after everything I’ve heard about him and what he’s done, but you have to start somewhere. That first step is forgiving yourself.”

                “Forgiving myself? For what?”

                “For blaming yourself. Nothing that has happened was your fault. I’d say fate stepped in this time.”

                “Ha! Fate. She’s fucked with my life enough already.”

                “There are no coincidences, Adri. Rich was attacked at _your_ fundraiser. If he had been attacked anywhere else he wouldn’t have had the immediate care of one of the world’s most knowledgeable trauma surgeons. He would have died from shock Adri. Maybe fate decided this L-“

                “Don’t say his name, Sarah.” Sarah raised her hands defensively and rolled her eyes.

                “Fine! My point still stands. Maybe you were meant to meet him just as much as you were meant to save Rich.”

                “You know I don’t subscribe to all that fate crap. I don’t like that my choice might not be my own.”

                “I do, but I also know that you can’t ignore the logic staring you in the face. You're the best excuse for a Vulcan I've ever met." They sat in silence for a while, Sarah tossing bits of paper from her notepad at Adrienne the whole time.

                “Gah! Fine. You win! I’ll think about it.”

                “That’s all I’m asking for.” Sarah sat up and swung her feet off the couch. “Now, I think you have an appointment to keep.”

                “Not that I really need it now,”

                “Glad to be of service,” Sarah said, bowing deeply to hide her grin.

                “Get out, you!” Adrienne called after Sarah, throwing a pencil at her and completely missing the mark she was laughing so hard. Adrienne called Dr. Blake anyway and talked about her conversation with Sarah. Blake agreed with Sarah and wanted to start on this new train of thought in their session the following week. She was not at all pleased that Adrienne had lied about the dreams ending.

 

 

Loki watched Adrienne as she turned her computer on and "called" Blake. He still was not quite sure what a 'shrink' was, but apparently Adrienne needed one to talk to. Loki was also confused about how Adrienne could call someone on her computer. He had thought that capability was reserved to the devices Midgardians called telephones. He was just as unaware of what satellite was, or what it had to do with her calls. In all the time he had spent watching her, Loki had never ended up watching her while she had one of these “meetings” and as such had never been so confused by the Midgardian tongue. The allspeak could translate the words, but did nothing for the understanding of their meaning.

Loki committed her singular features to memory for possibly the thousandth time before returning to his cell to ponder her conversation with the woman called Sarah. He really had no idea what to make of it. All this time he had held on to the thought that Adrienne hated him; that he was causing her pain. That had served to not only give him fuel to feed his own self-loathing, but also to give him some purpose in this dismal prison. “Well, I suppose that hasn’t really changed, has it?” Loki said to the empty room. It seemed he was not the only one capable of lying to everyone—even themselves. He was, in all actuality, impressed that she had manage to lie to him even after he’d been inside her mind daily for a year.

On the other hand, Loki now had hope, as small a seed as it was, that his plea for forgiveness hadn’t fallen on deaf ears. Despite Adrienne’s somewhat violent and profanity filled reactions to his appearance and request, it seemed that perhaps his chances at success were not so grim after all. True, their interaction in her dreams had become far shorter and less violent since he’d begun to come without an illusion to soften his appearance. He thought back on their first interaction after the incident in the courtyard.

_“Who the hell do you think you are talking to my daughter? Lying to her? She’s only a child!” Adrienne was particularly vicious in her physical attacks that night. He refused to fight with her any more than it took to defend against her attacks._

_“I didn’t intend to speak with her any of the times I did. She surprised me, much as you are prone to do.” Adrienne’s fist found its way past his arm and connected with his ribs. She had a brutal right hook. “I’ll have you know I never lied to her. I might have simplified things so she would understand them, but I never lied.”_

_“Right. It was all an accident.”_

_“Yes, as it were. Who instructed you in fighting technique?”_

_“Why? Going try and mock that too?”_

_“No. I wanted to commend their skill. You either have spectacular luck, or were taught very well.” Adrienne paused only half a breath at his comment before taking him down to the ground._

_“Thank you.”_

_“You do understand that I am allowing this, correct? You are much too light to actually hold me to the ground by sitting on me.”_

_“I’m aware. Now, are you going to stay away from my children?” Loki sighed, but nodded anyway._

_“I will not intentionally interact with your children any further.” Adrienne punched him again before letting him up and walking over to her sink. It still ran water, even if it was merely a construct of her mind. “Am I to understand from that, that I will not be getting what I seek tonight?”_

_“Believe it.”_

_“Then I bid you goodnight, dear lady.” Adrienne nodded and held up her half-finished cup of water, but didn’t turn around or offer any other parting words of her own._

“Perhaps they should give you all my titles, Adrienne. You have succeeded in both lying to me and causing untold amounts of chaos within me. You have no idea the power you hold over me.”

“The power who holds over you dear?”

“I hadn’t thought you would return. Not after our last… conversation.”

“Despite what you may think to tell yourself, I am still your mother, if not by blood, then by the virtue of two simple facts: that I love you no matter how far you have decided to force the _rest_ of Asgard to think you have fallen, and because I raised you. You have been mine since you were but an infant, Loki, and I will not give you up easily.” Loki refused to allow any of his emotions to rise to the surface.

“I cannot make you speak, Loki, and I wouldn’t even if I had the power to. I merely came to tell you how much I enjoyed your last letter. The poem you included was lovely. I have re-read it many times since it came to me. However did you come up with it?”

“It was written by a midgardian playwright. I don’t remember his name.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to believe that. You never forget anything. You’re also not usually this bad at lying to me. Are you well?” Loki refused to look at his mother.

“Yes. I am quite well. What does it matter what his name was? You are unlikely to find any more of his work in the library of the golden city.”

“I am aware. You seem to have forgotten from whom you learned your love of knowledge. It does not matter that I may never read his work again. I merely wish to put a name to the deed, much as I have always wished you to share your deeds with me. I like to know what _you_ have done—not merely what everyone else informs me of since it seems to lack the vast majority of your positive achievements.”

“Perhaps, one day, I will tell you.”

“I look forward to that, my son.” Loki closed his eyes and didn’t open them until he was sure she was gone.

“Let us sit upon the ground and tell sad tales of the death of kings…” Loki picked up the two kings from his chess set. One was fashioned in a likeness of Odin, the other a frost giant. He threw them both against one of the gold lattice magic walls the guards watched him through. Though the magic was somewhat elastic, the sheer power of it launched the pieces back across the room towards Loki, a sad mockery of their former glory. “Would that my deeds could please you, mother,” he said as he picked the charred pieces up and set them back onto the board.

 

 

                

The next day, Adrienne was outside working in the garden in the courtyard. Most of the older children were still in their afternoon classes, but the little ones and their mothers were out helping her. The hot afternoon sun was not nearly as enjoyable as the rain that was expected in the next week. That would be a god send.

                “Ms. Hawthorne?” Adrienne looked up to see three people silhouetted in the sun. She dusted off her hands and stood. The man in front was clearly the leader, and completely out of place in the desert with his dark, pristine suit. With him was a very tall man with broad shoulders and hard eyes and a woman Adrienne wouldn’t have wanted to pick a fight with.

                “Yes. May I help you?” The first man held up a badge for her to see. Typed in all capitals next to his picture was the acronym “S.H.I.E.L.D.”

                “I’m agent Coulson. These are agents May and Ward. We’re here about a call you placed some weeks ago.” Adrienne felt like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming lorry. “A call about a certain God.” _Oh shit. Why now? Of all the times, why did they have to come now?_ Adrienne glanced behind her. Everyone had stopped working.

                “Maia! Make sure this bed gets watered. I don’t want the plants drying out before the rain comes.” She turned back to her guests. “If you’ll follow me, my office is this way.” She started to move toward the administrative wing, but Julianne caught her hand.

                “I come wit mommy.”

                “Not this time, sweetie. I need to talk to these” Adrienne glanced at the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents “nice people by myself. Okay? You stay here and play with the flowers, yeah?” Julianne nodded and ran over to Maia who was getting buckets passed out for a water collection. Adrienne watched a moment before leading the way to her office.

                “Now, what’s this about? I’m really quite busy today.” Ward and May shared a look that told Adrienne everything she needed to know about why these people were here, and she didn’t like it one bit. They weren’t here to “help.” They were here to make sure he never came back, and Adrienne just couldn’t allow that to happen. _What have I done? How could I have been so stupid?_

                “From your phone call, we were under the impression that you were having some difficulty with the war criminal Loki.” Adrienne quickly decided the best way to get them to leave was to come out swinging.

                “I was. Past tense. You all weren’t a very big help, now were you? If I may ask, what exactly was important that an organization as large as S.H.I.E.L.D. couldn’t spare a few people to come get this sorted out when I called almost three months ago? Did you think I was joking when I said he was showing up here? Or did you just not think it wasn’t worth your time?” The three didn’t seem at all fazed by her performance.

                “We understand your concern, Ms. Hawthorne-“

                “It’s Dr. Hawthorne. I didn’t go through eleven years of school for nothing.” It was petty and childish to point it out, but it really irked Adrienne when people patronized her.

                “Dr. Hawthorne, I apologize. We understand you concern, but you must understand, we get tips like this on a fairly regular basis. We have to be sure they’re real.”

                “So the fact that I personally met the man, had an extended conversation with him, and survived to tell the tale didn’t at least give me some extra credibility? Or perhaps even the fact that I called back every day for a week before I was so fed up with you all that I just couldn’t justify wasting my time anymore? Which bit didn’t convince you I was telling the truth?”

                “In all honesty, Dr. Hawthorne, it was those very things, and the fact that you are still seeing a psychiatrist over a year after the incident, that made us question your credibility.” Adrienne fell into her chair. At this point, she really didn’t want S.H.I.E.L.D. poking their noses into things. If they’d shown up earlier, things might have been different, but now? Now she just wanted them gone.

                “I’m glad my pain is serving someone a purpose.”

                “Would you like to tell us what happened? Please?”

                “If you’re that interested, have a seat.” Adrienne gestured to the couch. Agent Coulson complied, but the other two just moved to station themselves on opposite sides of the room. Adrienne rolled her eyes. “A bit after New York, I started seeing him around the city. I was still in Germany. I thought I was just being paranoid. Then, he started appearing in my dreams shortly after I arrived home.”

                “Did he ever speak to you, or did you just see him?”

                “Don’t interrupt. It’s rude.” Coulson held up his hands in the universal gesture of apology. “I did speak with him… After I beat the shit out of him. I pretty much decided I had gone off my rocker since not only could I attack him—and with some surprising success—but our conversations primarily consisted of him apologizing and me not forgiving him. At that point I hired Dr. Emma Blake.”

                “What made you believe otherwise?” Ward asked.

                “Seriously? You just asked me what made me think I _wasn’t_ crazy.” She looked back to Coulson. “Where _do_ you find these guys? They should be Harvard professors.”

                “What agent Ward means is, what convinced you the dreams weren’t just dreams?”

                “I know what he meant. I’m just pointing out that he’s an idiot.” Coulson had an infuriating little smile plastered on his face that simultaneously told Adrienne that he was polite to a fault and that he thought she was being immature. _I haven’t even started yet._ “My daughter. You met her outside. She saw Loki in my room one night and thought he was an angel. I didn’t think anything of it since she didn’t give me a name or describe him other than really tall, really pretty, and she couldn’t touch him. I put the pieces together the first day I called you after I caught him in the courtyard talking to Julianne.”

                “Loki, the Norse God of Mischief, was here in your garden?” _I bet they’d have a collective apoplexy if they knew what happened at night._

                “In a manner of speaking.” Adrienne sighed and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. “He was essentially a hologram. Julie could see him, even speak with him, but she couldn’t touch him.” The agents shared another look.

                “Have you seen him since?” Now was the test. Adrienne had already decided she didn’t want S.H.I.E.L.D. snooping around, and that meant they couldn’t know that she saw Loki every day. They couldn’t know she looked forward to going to sleep every night. Adrienne had to lie for all she was worth. Lie and pray.

                “No, actually,” she said as nonchalantly as she could. “He told Julie to tell me I wouldn’t see him again. So far, the bastard’s been true to his word.” Coulson looked surprised, and Ward looked confused. The woman, May, didn’t seem to show emotion at all. _And they think_ I’m _a Vulcan._

                “Do you mind if some of our scientists have a look at where you’ve seen him?” Adrienne almost snorted with laughter. They actually seemed to be buying it.

                “Sure. They’ll have to go over most of the village, so I hope you weren’t planning on leaving tonight. I’ve never seen him in the bathrooms, though, so you might want to avoid those. Save you some time.” Coulson smiled, though it was just that annoying little polite one. There didn’t seem to be any genuine emotion there. The other two looked rather annoyed. _Serves them right._

                “Thank you very much for your cooperation. We’ll be in touch.” All three filed out after Adrienne gestured to the door. As soon as the door closed she slumped back in her chair and rubbed at her eyes.

                “This is a nightmare,” she said aloud to the empty room. “Why couldn’t I have just kept my big mouth shut? Now they’re going to go over every inch of this place looking for him.” She sat up abruptly. “But, they won’t find him. There’s nothing to find.” Adrienne didn’t know who she was trying to convince. “He really only comes at night, and even then, only in my dreams. It’s not like he leaves anything behind. He’s just a hologram or something.” Loki decided that would be an opportune moment to reveal himself to Adrienne. She shot to her feet and nearly knocked her laptop off the desk. “Jesus! How long have you been standing there?”

                “I have been watching you all morning, Adrienne.”

                “Do you do that often? Nevermind. Don’t answer that. You can’t be here. What if someone sees you?” Loki shrugged and moved over to the window which Adrienne hastened to close and cover with the blinds.

                “Why did you call them, Adrienne? Actually, I’m possibly more interested in why you lied about my continued presence.” She dropped back into her chair.

                “You would actually ask me that? After everything, you would ask me that?” Loki didn’t turn around. Adrienne sighed and turned to face the door. “I was angry. And frightened. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn’t want you here, and I especially didn’t want you anywhere near my children. I believe I made that clear the next time I saw you.”

                “You did. And now? Shall I presume these… sentiments… have changed?” An awkward silence descended over the room as Adrienne refused to answer.

                “Will they find anything?”

                “Not that I see why you would suddenly claim to care, but no, I should think they won’t.” Adrienne let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, prompting Loki to face her again. “Astral projection, as Midgardians are want to call it, doesn’t leave behind any physical traces after the fact. Animals can sometimes sense the presence of beings in the astral plane; however, to my knowledge only a handful of very particular spells would be able to visually reveal the existence of a being in the astral planes. Additionally, in order to track the origin of someone in the planes, a very powerful sorcerer would actually need to travel within the planes during the working.”

                “Oh, obviously. I take it you are one of these sorcerers.”

“Naturally.” They fell into silence again.

                “So, S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t have some special equipment that would read energy signatures or something, do they?”

                “If I understand what you are speaking of, I regret to inform you that I… am not privy to that information.” Adrienne’s smile started small, but quite quickly could not be contained.

                “That must have been hard?”

                “What?”

                “Admitting that you didn’t know something. That must have been difficult.”

                “Not nearly as difficult as admitting my mistakes.” Adrienne’s smile dropped a little. She knew that statement wasn’t as light as he tried to make it sound. Apologizing to her and admitting he was wrong, that he had erred, that was probably one of the most difficult things he’d ever done.

                “I know. You should go. I don’t want to test my theory about S.H.I.E.L.D.’s technical capabilities.” Loki nodded once but didn’t move.

                “Adrienne,” she looked up, all her confusion and indecision showing clearly in her starry eyes. “Why do wish for them to leave?”

                “I…” She had been about to say she didn’t know, but knew he’d spot the lie for what it was. He looked like a man too afraid to hope for what she might say. A man who knew the pain false hopes could cause. “Perhaps, I’ll tell you tonight,” she finally said. Loki smiled before he disappeared. It was a small smile, so small if she’d blinked she would have missed it, but it was a smile nonetheless. It made the pieces of her shattered heart slide a little closer together, and the nagging feeling in the back of her mind clearer.

                “I guess I can only lie to myself for so long,” she realized. She smiled broadly as the full realization of what she would do tonight dawned on her. “Let’s hope this is the right decision.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did everyone like that Agents of Shield crossover? It will be brief, but I hope you enjoy it. Writing Coulson is harder than I expected.
> 
> All the talk on the astral plane is a compilation of what I've learned over the years, most of which can be found in the public domain. I will admit that there are a lot of varying points of view on the subject, so I'm not going to please everybody. My exact idea of how Loki uses the astral plane will be clarified later, so don't get your panties in a bunch.
> 
> As a point of note, I'm not super pleased with either this chapter or the previous one, so they might be pulled down and edited at some point. If they are, I'll let you all know.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dearies! I would like to begin by apologizing profusely for the inexcusably large gap between chapters 5 and 6. I hit a bit of writers block back in November and could not force the words out no matter how hard I tried. Everything just sounded forced and completely wrong. I'm pleased to say I'm over that and that this chapter came together in something akin to three days, which for me is a bloody miracle. If anyone is wondering, I did do some minor alterations to the end of chapter 5. I didn't take anything out, I just added a could of sentences here and there. They aren't really necessary to go back and read, but add in a little foreshadowing for this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer- I own nothing that remotely sounds like it belongs to Marvel, namely Loki, the Avengers, characters from the series Agent's of Shield, and any story arcs therein. This overall arc is, however, mine.

“Do you think he’s really been here? I mean, are we even sure he’s locked up in Asgard? It’s not like there’s been any proof,” Fitz asked Simmons as he unpacked the D.W.A.R.F.s.

“Really Fitz, it’s not as though they tell us everything. I’m sure they have some proof… Somewhere. Besides, I think we should be more worried about how we’re supposed to detect something that is theoretically un-detectable. Appearing across the universe without some sort of holographic device shouldn’t even be possible.” Simmons glanced back to Fitz. “Are they ready yet?”

“Yep. Launching now.” Fitz guided the D.W.A.R.F.s over the entire courtyard, cataloguing every detail. After an hour, he still hadn’t found anything. “We should just give it up. I haven’t found a single thing; not one single abnormal radiation or heat signature. What about you?”

“No, nothing. I’ve collected soil samples from where she saw him, but I’m not confident we’ll find anything.”

“Come on. Let’s get out of this heat. I think I’m starting to blister.”

“Oh, Fitz. It’s only been an hour. You’re not burning yet, even at this direct angle of ultraviolet radiation.”

“Right. You’re not making me feel any better.” They passed Agent May on their way back onto the bus, still arguing about the heat and the angle of the sun this close to the equator. She didn’t acknowledge their presence, but kept watching the village.

“She didn’t seem too happy to see us.”

“She’s hiding something.” Coulson looked over at her, his hands resting in his pockets.

“I’d be more surprised if she wasn’t. You’ll keep an eye on things?” May raised an eyebrow, but made no other response. “I’ll send Ward out too. I want to know everything she does.” May simply continued to watch the village from her vantage point on the back ramp of the Bus. Coulson nodded then headed back upstairs.

 

“What’s that you’re playing with?” Skye asked as she knelt down by the group of children in the courtyard. Most of them watched her curiously, but didn’t respond. A little boy with long curly blonde hair and wide green eyes seemed less perturbed by her.

“It’s a game. We each have a group of stones. The idea is to be the first to knock all your opponents’ stones out of the ring using one of your stones.”

“So, like marbles.” The boy gave her an odd look.

“What’s ‘marbles’?”

“Basically the same thing, you just use these small glass balls called marbles.”

“Why would you use glass? They would break.” Skye shrugged.

“I’ve never played. More of a computer kid.”

“Mum has a computer. So does Uncle Matt and Aunt Sarah, but we don’t get to touch them.”

“Why not?”

“They’re for the hospital. Only the grownups get to use them.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.” The boy shrugged and took his turn at the game, winning a smooth blue stone.

“Who are you? You talk funny. Like Uncle Matt.”

“My name’s Skye. I don’t think I talk funny. I think _you_ talk kinda funny. What’s your name?”

“Alec. What are you doing here?”

“I came with some people on that big plane. We’re here to help out.” The boy’s eyes widened, and he quickly spoke to the other children in a language Skye couldn’t even begin to understand. About half of them ran off into the hospital while the other children started picking up their stones. “What? What’d you tell them?”

“It’s almost time for dinner. We have to clean up now.” Skye didn’t believe that for a second.

“Oh, well, let me help.”

“It’s alright. All done.” They all stood up and the children just seemed to melt away into the buildings until only Alec was left standing next to Skye.

“They’re really eager for dinner, aren’t they?”

“Well, we haven’t eaten since breakfast at school, so yeah.”

“You only get two meals a day?” Skye was shocked. It seemed like this place wasn’t as well equipped as they seemed.

“Most of the time, but we get to take tea on Saturdays. Well, bye.” Before she could say anything else, Alec ran out of the courtyard and around the corner, leaving Skye wondering what had just happened.

 

Adrienne stood looking out her window into the courtyard. She’d been watching the S.H.I.E.L.D. team’s progress since Loki had left her office that morning. It didn’t look like they’d found anything, but she couldn’t be sure. The children seemed to be doing alright avoiding them, so she really had nothing to complain about. Adrienne didn’t bother to turn around when she heard the knock on her door.

“What’s going on Adri? We just got back with the supply trucks and saw that massive plane. I thought I saw the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on the side of one of the cars inside it.”

“You’re not wrong, Matt.”

“What are they doing here?”

“I called them a few months ago. They finally deigned to arrive just in time to be a pain in my ass.”

“What? Why’d you call _them_?”

“Loki thought it would be funny to show up here and mess with my dreams.”

“How’d he manage that locked up wherever they locked him up?” Matt joined her by the window.

“I think it’s called astral projection. I thought I was just hallucinating until I saw him talking to Julie one afternoon. I called after that, but he never showed up again, so I laid off after a week or so.”

“When was this? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Like I said, he didn’t show up again, and I was talking about it with Blake.”

“That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have told me, told us. That’s kind of something Sarah and I are on the need-to-know list for.”

“You know now.” Matt sighed and turned to leave knowing he wasn’t going to get much more out of Adrienne while she was in one of her “moods.”

“How long are they going to be here? What are they even looking for?”

“They’ll be gone as soon as they figure out there’s no way to track Loki. I highly doubt out-of-body travel leaves residue, or radiation, or something like that. I bet the smug bastard’s still locked up in his cell with no idea what’s going on down here. We were just a temporary distraction.” Adrienne stared stubbornly out the window. She knew Matt would see the lie in her eyes if she looked at him. Loki knew exactly what was going on, and he wouldn’t be too pleased to hear what she had to say to keep everyone convinced of her lies.

“I hope you and Blake are getting things worked out Adri, because sometimes I look at you and don’t recognize who you are anymore. A year ago you wouldn’t have hesitated to tell us something strange like this. I don’t know what’s going on with you, Adri, and I’m not going to push you about it, but when you’re ready to let me back in, just let me know.” Adri turned to look at Matt, but he was already leaving her office. _I so didn’t need this today._

Adrienne sighed and looked back out the window once more before grabbing her laptop on the way to the storage room. She needed to finish the inventory before dinner.

 

 

Adrienne opened her eyes to the most beautiful view she had ever seen—and that was saying something after having seen the view of Asgard from Loki’s bedroom. She was lying on a blanket under a copse of trees overlooking a valley. A stream ran through it from a waterfall to her right and emptied into a sparkling blue bay on her left. There were copses of trees as well as the brightest green grass and the most colorful array of flowers Adrienne had ever seen. The sky was a bright and solid blue—not the pastel watery blue she was used to—and had only a few fluffy white clouds floating idly across it. She could see animals strolling by the stream and hear birds in the trees. In a word, it was breathtaking.

There was only one thing missing: Loki. She knew this had to be one of his constructs; Adri was sure she had never seen anything so gorgeous in all her travels.

When she stood up, Adrienne realized she was no longer wearing her tank-top and shorts, but a dress made of the lightest green linen that swirled around her calves when she walked. It was much more fitted round her waist and divided into a series of straps that wrapped round her torso and neck, but left little to the imagination. She smiled as her fingers brushed against the delicate garment. It would make her plan even easier to enact.

 _But where is my God of Mischief?_ Adrienne mused.

Not finding him in her immediate vicinity, Adrienne decided to have a look around and took off toward the waterfall. Halfway there she found a path that sloped down the cliff face into the valley. Deciding it looked stable enough, Adri started down. It looped gently back-and-forth on itself multiple times before ending at the side of a pool below the waterfall. She was so preoccupied admiring the lovely hollow, Adri very nearly missed the swirl of inky black hair rising out of the water to her left. Once she did see him, though, she wondered how she ever could have missed him in the first place.

He was every inch the God Adri knew him to be. His black hair shone in the sunlight and curled very nearly into ringlets that rested around his shoulders. His pale skin suddenly didn’t look quite so sickly, instead radiating a sort of luster that reminded Adrienne of pearls. The water ran in rivulets down the hard planes of his shoulders and back to flow into the pool once again. Through the clear water Adri could barely make out the curve of a very perfect looking ass and strong thighs. _How the hell did I resist this insanely gorgeous man for a year?_ Adrienne wondered. An image of his maniacal grin as he held Rick to a statue flashed to the front of her mind, but Adri quickly pushed it away in favor of the glorious image before her.

She was just working her way back up his body, admiring the flex and curve of every muscle she came across, when he suddenly turned around, his piercing green gaze clashing with her blue one.

 

Loki briefly wondered if the Adrienne standing on the edge of the pool was even real, or merely a construct of his sleeping mind, then decided he honestly didn’t care one way or the other. She was here, and she looked absolutely gorgeous, putting the beauty of their surroundings to shame merely by standing there. He had pictured her wearing a similar dress during his time of self-imposed absence the previous year. It looked just as lovely on her now as it had then. He watched her for a moment, and when she didn’t turn away, he did. It wouldn’t do for her to see him in such an ungentlemanly state, no matter how he might enjoy such a prospect. Loki was halfway to the bank when he heard a tell-tale rustle of fabric. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder. The sight before him drove all coherent thought from his brain and forcibly removed control of his limbs as the majority of his blood flooded south to his groin.

Adrienne stood on the bank of the pool without a scrap of fabric to cover her exquisite body. Her curiously colored hair fell in waves to her waist, curling delicately around the edges of her pert breasts. Her skin was the color of fresh cream just barely brushed with gold, and stretched easily across well concealed muscle. She was a vision straight out of his most delightful and punishing dreams.

 _That’s exactly what she is though,_ he suddenly remembered. _I’m asleep. This is a dream._

That realization did not dim Loki’s increasing desire for the woman in front of him. If anything, it meant she was unlikely to refuse him since she was a part of his own mind. Loki’s breath hitched in his throat when she stepped forward and gracefully dove into the pool. He watched, mesmerized, as she swam towards him under the water. Before he could utter a single syllable when she emerged before him, she latched her arms around his neck and pulled his head down to meet her lips, her body molding to his. After recovering from a moment of utter shock, Loki brought his arms up around her and deepened the kiss. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth as one of his hands tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck. They only broke apart when both realized they were going to pass out without air, but even then they didn’t release each other completely.

 

 

Adrienne lay her head on Loki’s shoulder and ran one hand across the planes of his shoulders and down his chest. She didn’t doubt that while the muscle beneath her fingers was long and lean, it didn’t leave room for even an ounce of fat. He was warm and solid in her arms and Adrienne never wanted that to change. She had decided this morning that she would forgive him; that she was done denying the truth she had known since she had first laid eyes on him: this man held her in the palm of his hand. He would either pick up the pieces of her long since shattered heart, or he would destroy her completely. Adrienne was prepared to take that chance. Sarah had known when she asked Adrienne if Loki held her heart. She had known then that as broken as both of them were, Loki and Adrienne could be exactly what each other needed. It just took Adrienne a little bit longer to see it too.

Loki shifted and Adrienne felt his impressive erection brush against her thigh. Even though it was the reaction she’d been hoping for, Adrienne couldn’t hold back the quiet moan of pleasure the evidence of her success elicited. She had been worried that she’d miscalculated his interest in her, that he merely wished to find some measure of peace in forgiveness. If so, this would have failed miserably. Finding him as she had, gloriously nude whilst bathing, had kicked her arousal to life and boosted her confidence. _I don’t even remember the last time I had sex,_ she idly.

Adrienne pulled herself farther up Loki’s body as he ran one hand down her back to her thigh, all the while dropping kisses and little bites up the side of his neck. He pulled her leg up and settled it around his waist before repeating the motion with her other leg as he caught her mouth in another kiss. Adri pressed her hips closer to him seeking some sort of friction. Loki grunted as she dug her nails into his scalp when he ran his hands back up the backs of her thighs. Adrienne held tighter to Loki when he suddenly propelled them towards the side of the pool then carried her out of the water, not once breaking their kiss. She gasped at the sudden cool of the light breeze on her wet skin. Loki took it as an opportunity to further plunder her mouth before laying her down on a blanket that had suddenly appeared on the grass.

“How’d you get us up the cliff so fast?” Adri mumbled against his mouth.

“I didn’t.” Adrienne briefly lost her train of thought until she felt the soft brush of the blanket beneath her.

“The other blanket? On the cliff?” It was a stupidly phrased question and not the one she wanted to ask, but Adrienne was finding it more and more difficult to maintain her train of thought as Loki cupped one of her breasts and teased the nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“What other blanket on what cliff?” he breathed against her ear. Adrienne froze. How could he not know about the blanket on the cliff overlooking the valley? He was the one that put it there when he brought her here. Wasn’t he?

 

 

Loki sensed something was wrong when Adrienne suddenly stopped moving. He had no idea what she was on about, but could not find it in him to care in his present state. Honestly, all he could think about was making love to the woman in his arms until the guards woke him to break his fast. Loki brought his hand up to cup her cheek as he gazed down at her. She looked confused and a little frightened, but that couldn’t be right. She was just a figment of his imagination. She shouldn’t be afraid of him.

“What’s wrong? Something's not right,” he finally said.

“It’s just strange. I knew you must have created this dream because I’d never been any place like it. I ‘woke up,’ so to speak, on a blanket up on that cliff over there, overlooking the valley.” Adrienne pointed at the cliff behind where he’d first seen her. Loki frowned and contemplated her words a moment before his eyes widened as something occurred to him.

“You ‘woke up’ here? Where did you fall asleep?” Adrienne looked at him strangely, like he’d just asked her if the sky was green. “Just answer me,” he insisted, wanting to confirm the suspicion that was rapidly growing in his mind.

“In my house, in bed. Where else?” Loki groaned and rolled off her onto his back wishing his clothes onto his body and Adrienne’s dress back onto her. “What the hell did you do that for? We weren’t finished.”

“Adrienne, I don’t know how it’s possible—and mind you that’s more than a little strange for me to say—but we aren’t in one of _your_ dreams. I hadn’t come to visit you yet tonight.”

“What do you mean? Then where are we?”

“I laid down to rest after seeing you earlier and I believe I fell asleep. I often doze when I’m bored. Regardless, this is not one of your dreams since I’ve yet to awaken and walk through the planes to see you. This dream is mine.” He let the implications of that sink in as he stared at the sky.

“You didn’t expect to see me there did you?” Loki continued to look up, avoiding her gaze.

“No. I thought you were a figment of my sleeping mind; a part of the dream. If I had known, I nev-“ She cut him off.

“Do you dream of me often?” Loki took a moment to respond, her interruption and shift in questioning taking him off guard.

“Yes,” he said simply. Her responding smile was dazzling and confused him even more. Something exceptionally strange was happening. “Why do you regard me like this? Why do you not attack me?” Loki sat up and moved back a little recalling all of Adrienne’s behavior so far. Everything since she’d entered this dream seemed to be the exact opposite of what he’d come to expect from their encounters. He still couldn’t fathom how she could even be here in this dream in the first place.

"This is wrong. Something exceptionally odd is happening here, and I am actually a bit worried that I don't understand what it is." The expression on Adrienne's face told him exactly what she thought of his caution. She clearly didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

"Unless you have some hidden ancestry I've yet to be informed of, there's no way you could have travelled here to this dream. Nor does that explain your peculiar behavior." Adrienne rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose before shaking her head and crawling closer to Loki. He made to move farther away from her, still rather cautious of her amicable mood, but instead —much to his surprise—she straddled him and captured his face between her small hands, forcing him to look at her.

While Loki had to admit her boldness excited him, he was still weary of what exactly Adrienne was about. He watched her carefully as she studied his face, trying to ignore the maddening pressure of her groin against his. The friction of his leather trousers against him was making him almost painfully hard. Her decidedly smug expression did not bode well, for he remembered all too well the beating he'd taken from her the last time he'd seen it.

Seeming to come to some sort of conclusion, Adrienne leaned forward and pressed her lips lightly to the sensitive skin behind his ear before whispering the words he'd been waiting to hear for over a year, the words he'd resigned himself to likely never hearing:

"I forgive you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying something new with the bars in this chapter. They designate shifts in time/place primarily. I thought it would get a bit too choppy to do it solely for shifts in POV. Please let me know in the comments if you thought it was alright or if you have a recommendation of a better way to break up the sections. Previously I just left a bunch of lines open. Just let me know.  
> ~A~


	7. MAJOR PROBLEM

Hey guys! I know it's been a while, which is completely my fault. This is an author's note, if anyone's wondering, but it's one that I'm writing with a very heavy heart.

 

For the time being, this fic will be on hold. I promise I was getting close to updating-- I had 2 chapters nearly edited to post-- but fate intervened. My laptop was stolen 2 days ago from my truck. I'm kicking myself for leaving it unlocked, if only for a couple of hours, and not using anti-theft software.

 

In any case, the new chapters were only stored on the hard-drive (hadn't been backed up recently >_<). It's going to be a while before I'm able to get them rewritten to a point that I'm satisfied with them. If anyone notices parts of this story showing up on sites besides the archive and fanfiction.net, please let me know as it could indicate that someone's managed to hack into the laptop and pull the documents. I have no idea why anyone would want to do that, but it's a possibility I was told to look out for.

 

I'm sorry guys. I'll be back as soon as I can!

 

~A


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I still don't have a new laptop, but I have access to one, so chapter may start coming up quicker. This one has not yet been beta read since my reader is on vacation out of the country. I promise any errors will be fixed when she gets home. If you notice any glaring errors, please shoot me a message so I can fix them. Go check out chapter 6 before reading this, since some minor changes were made to that chapter to make this one work.
> 
> MINOR UPDATES/EDITING 23.3.2015  
> *****New chapter due April 1, 2015*****
> 
> As usual, I own nothing.  
> ~A

Loki lay absolutely still, not even daring to breathe. There was no way he had heard Adrienne correctly. No! There was no doubt that he _was_ dreaming. She wasn’t here; this wasn’t real.

It couldn’t be.

After much too long, Loki took a breath and closed his eyes.

“Just a dream after all,” He whispered, wishing his vision of Adrienne away. He hadn’t realized just how much he hoped for her forgiveness this evening until his sub-conscious presented this particularly disturbing dream.

When, after a few moments, the weight on his hips didn’t lessen, Loki opened his eyes to find himself still looking into Adri’s star-bound blues.

“I’m still here. Don’t plan on going anywhere, either.” Loki sat up, exasperated with his wayward mind, and shifted the woman on his lap to the blanket they sat on.

“I’ve no idea why my sub-conscious has suddenly decided to torture me with this particular fantasy, but _you_ cannot be here. I indulged that impossible thought longer than it ever deserved—a testament to my distracted state, I’m sure.” Loki stood. “You are not real, merely a figment of my broken and demented imagination. Since I don’t appear to be able to will you away, I’ll remove myself.” With that, he turned and stormed back toward the lake, fully clothed in his battle armour.

 

Adrienne took a moment to try and figure out where she went wrong. He clearly felt something for her if the organ that had so deliciously slid against her thigh was any indication, but he summarily denied that she would forgive him. This created quite the conundrum for her to unravel. Finding no error in her own actions or motives, Adrienne quickly rose and chased after Loki, aiming to catch him up before he disappeared completely.

“Damn that man’s long legs,” Adri muttered as she realized how far ahead he was. This was not at all turning out the way she wanted. She caught up with him just as he reached the edge of the lake, but now— undoubtedly a testament to his anger—the colours were beginning to mute and the skies to darken.

“Loki!” He didn’t stop or give any indication that he heard her at all. Adrienne let out a sigh and broke out in a sprint, grabbing Loki’s arm and spinning him to face her. She knew the dreamscape was the only place she’d ever have the strength to do that, but relished it now. “Look at me.” When he stubbornly refused, Adri reached up and turned his face to her, holding firmly so he couldn’t look away. “How can you be so sure I’m not real? What convinced you that I could only be part of your imagination?” She searched his eyes while he glared at her, trying to find some indication of a forthcoming response. Adri sighed and let go, realizing he had no intention of answering her.

“I can’t force you to answer me; I don’t have the magic for that. But I need you to look through the unending corners of your memory and tell me how people without magic can be in other people’s dreams.”

“Why would I indulge such a thing when I know you are a part of my mind?” Adri sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Did it ever occur to you that if I was a dream, I might be your sub-conscious asking you to answer that question? That, perhaps, the answer might prove important later on?” Now Loki looked skeptical, but didn’t outright refute her suggestion.

“I have never encountered such a thing before?”

“What? The non-magical dream walking, or conversations with your broken and demented sub-conscious? That is what you called it, right?” Loki glared but answered anyway.

“The latter. I can’t say I heard of the former either, but there I might actually formulate a response.”

“By all means.” Adri held out her arms. “I’m not going anywhere.” Loki seemed torn for a moment, like he truly couldn’t decide if he wanted to indulge in the coming conversation. Coming to some conclusion Adri could only guess at, he sighed, somewhat defeated, and conjured up a small table and chairs, gracefully melting into the one closest to him. Adri took the other.

 

“You are just as impertinent in my head as you are in life.”

“Well, since you apparently made me up, you—being the perfectionist you are—would have imagined me exactly as I am.”

“You’re not wrong, I suppose.” A hint of a smile touched her lips, so small it was just a twitch of muscle. If he didn’t know better, he’d think she was laughing at him. “Well,” Loki drawled, “I suppose there are some mortals who have magic and are simply unaware of its presence. There was a time when Asgardians sired many children on earth. A fraction of those might have had magic in their veins.” Loki crossed his arms and scowled. “It’s much diluted by this point, but could potentially present itself in unpredictable ways since said mortal would have no training in its use.”

“What exactly is the likelihood of that occurring?”

“So minimal it’s not worth calculating.” The harsh arch of her eyebrow somehow made it seem as though she was silently rebuking him, much in the same way his mother had when he made a nasty comment as a child. It simultaneously comforted and infuriated him to see.

“Fine,” Loki said sharply. “It can’t be more than one in one million.”

“So, on a planet with six _billion_ people, that’s around 600 people with the potential to accidentally sleep walk into someone else’s dreams?” Loki stared. He had no idea how many people were on earth. He hadn’t read it anywhere since Asgard’s library didn’t keep records on that sort of thing. They simply didn’t care. How in the world could his sub-conscious have come up with that?

“What prompted you to choose six billion? There surely aren’t that many mortals on earth?” There was the eyebrow again. That was really starting to get on his nerves.

“What would you believe? That I’m actually Adrienne, or that you picked it up somewhere while you were actually on earth last year?” She had a point.

“The latter.” Imaginary Adrienne sighed and leaned back in her chair, clearly displeased with his response. He couldn’t understand _why_ his mind was torturing him with this.

“Do you have any other theories?” Loki shook his head and continued watching her. None of his previous imaginations of Adrienne were so detailed; so independent.

So alive.

It was fascinating in a way, but also made him very uncomfortable.

“Come now? There must be something!” Loki shook his head again, but thought that maybe there was. He’d contemplated it back when he’d thought the woman before him was really Adrienne. She sighed and turned to look at the lake, leaving Loki to admire the curve of her waist and over her hip, beautifully exposed in the dress she wore. Actually, there were only a few thin straps snaking across her back to hold the dress up, leaving large expanses of milky white skin for him to admire.

“Well…” Loki had never seen anyone move so quickly. One moment she was facing the water, her back to him. The next it was as if she’d never turned away.

“Well, what?”

“It’s possible the mortal would have no control of walking in the second dream if the dreamer was a sorcerer.”

“How so?”

“I’ve never heard of it happening accidentally, but if the sorcerer were powerful enough, and had a strong enough connection to the other person, they could draw someone into their dreams to share them, sort of the reverse of what I do with you. Rather, with the real Adrienne.” The woman had the audacity to roll her eyes up to the sky—just as Adrienne did when she was frustrated.

“What do you mean happening accidentally?”

“Well, there used to be a practice in which married couples would join their minds in order to remain connected to their partner even when they were long distances apart. Only couples with the deepest connection went through with the ceremony. It can only be done once for each person, and requires complete honesty and infinite patience. The smallest lie of omission can be felt through the connection, every emotion, every desire. It’s not something any but the most devoted would consider, and now, requires a very powerful sorcerer to perform the ceremony due to the decline of magic in Asgardians.”

“Is magic really declining? You’re exceptionally powerful if it is.” It was Loki’s turn to sigh in frustration.

“Being part of my mind, you already possess the answer to that question.” He scowled darkly.

“Humour me.”

“I do not wish to jest, particularly not with an impertinent creation of my imagination, seemingly designed to bring up unpleasant memories.”

“For the love of God! I want you to just answer the question, not tell me a joke! Remind me we need to work on modernizing your English. You’re lack of knowledge of colloquial terms is driving me crazy!”

“How in the nine realms can that happen if you’re inside my mind? You are not a separate entity!”

“Loki! Just answer the question! Do you have the requisite power to perform that ceremony? Just a simple yes or no.” Loki sighed. His imagination was too complete for his own good sometimes.

“Yes.”

“Could you potentially call me into your dreams by accident? Perhaps by saying a spell in your sleep, or whatever it is you do to perform magic?” Loki nearly laughed aloud at the ridiculousness of the question.

“Magic requires focus as much as power. If I don’t direct my will as I’m calling the magic, it either won’t work, or could act on multiple wills.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“Highly doubtful. To have my physical body and my sleeping mind both act simultaneously and yet independently is akin to asking someone to successfully battle an attacker in front of them whilst looking at someone behind them and carrying on a conversation about the state of political affairs on Niflheim.” Imaginary Adrienne just stared at him blankly.

“Have you ever heard of sleepwalking?” Yet again, Loki was taken aback by the sudden shift in her queries.

“I have. It’s quite rare.”

“Not on earth. Are you aware of how it works, physiologically?” Loki grimaced.

“Vaguely. I never did focus on healing as much as I probably should have. Only enough to keep myself alive whilst away from Asgard.”

“There’s a small organ at the base of your brain called the pons, or at least there is in humans. Your physiology _should_ be relatively similar. The organ is activated while you sleep, causing all voluntary muscle function to stop. This is what keeps people from rolling around while they sleep and falling out of bed. Sometimes, the pons doesn’t function properly and either allows for small motions—like kicking out or rolling over in one’s sleep—or it can allow for total body movement. In the latter case, people have been known to do as little as stand up or as much as walk large distances to neighbouring villages or towns, all while still completely asleep. Upon waking, they have no memory of their nightly activities in the physical world. All there is was the dream.”

After a few moments, she turned back to the water. Loki watched her, trying to put together what she’d just told him. The large quantities of information she shared with him during this increasingly odd dream were disturbing. Every word, every motion, every sigh of frustration was so like Adrienne that Loki was having trouble remembering that the woman before him was in fact a piece of his imagination.

 _But where is she getting all this information? Certainly not from you, you know so little about earth and mortals,_ a quiet voice in the back of his mind whispered. He ignored it and continued to observe the woman before him.

 

They sat like that a long while, Adrienne staring off at the waterfall running into the lake, and Loki watching her. When she spoke again, it was so quiet Loki momentarily thought he’d imagined her voice.

“What were you thinking about just before you saw me? Back by the lake?” Loki frowned. Once again, the conversation had taken an abrupt turn. He was never this disorganized in his thoughts. It was a dreadfully unsettling feeling.

“I suppose I was thinking about you, or rather your counterpart.” Loki heard her sigh, but still she watched the falls.

“What were you thinking about me?”

“I was trying to imagine how you’d like this place. I was going to bring you here tonight. I was imagining all the responses you could give me to my question this morning.” Now she did turn to face him.

“What were you doing just before you fell asleep?” Loki was becoming more confused by the minute. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was how the others saw him: rounds of seemingly random questions which they knew to be connected, but could not see the pattern. Loki tamped down on his rapidly rising discomfort at the present situation and tried to recall a response.

“I was writing a letter to my mother, one she will likely never read.”

“What were you writing about?”

“You already know.”

“I don’t. Tell me.”

“You. I told her about you, but not the whole truth. I told her you visited me in my dreams.”

“Ah. There it is.” Loki was more confused than ever, and it was so unlike him, he felt totally lost!

 _Lost in my own mind! Talked in circles by my imagination!_ The indignity of it was almost enough to force him to storm back off into the forest, but Loki’s curiosity was far greater, holding him firmly in his chair.

“To what, Lady, are you referring?”

“You’ve just said you were thinking about my being in your dreams, both while you were awake, and again after you’d gone to sleep. Your mind was already focused, your will directed. All your body had to do was follow. Haven’t you ever accidentally used magic in your sleep?” Loki frowned and looked away. There were plenty of times as a child, that he’d lost control of his magic as he slept, but that was a long time ago, a _very_ long time ago. He hadn’t lost control once—not like that, at least—in the last few hundred years. “I can see you have,” Loki met imaginary Adrienne’s eyes. “It’s in your eyes, Loki.” She just sat watching him, waiting. For what, he couldn’t fathom, but it seemed as though she’d continue sitting there all day, when she abruptly stood.

“I’m going for a swim. When you figure it out, join me. I’m going to ignore the fact that it’s taking you so ridiculously long to work through this puzzle on the grounds that the likelihood of this situation presenting itself is laughably slim, but you, of everyone in the universe, should have figured it out and stepped out of denial by now.” Without another glance in his direction, imaginary Adrienne practically floated to the edge of the lake where she proceeded to remove her dress with agonizing slowness, revealing what little of her skin was hidden a finger’s width at a time. After it pooled at her feet she walked into the water and disappeared below, only to pop up far closer to the falls than Loki thought she could have swum in such a short breadth of time.

“Dreams,” Loki murmured under his breath as he watched her float lazily around the lake. Shaking himself, Loki conjured a bottle of elder wine and a goblet and drank deeply. As much as he hated to admit it, his imaginary companion had a point. It was utterly embarrassing that he had yet to figure out what her little puzzle led to. “Confinement is making me complacent,” Loki whispered darkly, wondering what he could possibly do to get out of his current incarceration before he went totally mad and stupid.

 

After discovering he couldn’t even wake himself from this ridiculous dream, Loki resolved to solve the “puzzle” his strange companion had referred to, thinking perhaps a solution might break the hold his sub-conscious currently had like a vice on his lucid mind.

_Your mind was already focused, your will directed._

“I suppose that’s to mean I was focused on _her_. That is, of course, all that could possibly refer to.” Loki continued to mull over their conversation as he finished off his second bottle of elder wine.

Just as he began to think his sub-conscious had started to go insane, it hit him like a ton of bricks. The answer had been staring him in the face since she’d first arrived in the dream. He’d already come to the conclusion that she’d literally entered his dream, but discarded the idea after she “forgave” him. What if he’d just wasted the last however many hours on the grounds that he never once believed Adrienne would actually forgive him?

It was a sobering thought. He’d been behaving like an obstinate child, refusing to see the picture she’d set before him explaining a concept she had no previous knowledge of in the hope that he would remove the wool from his eyes.

Loki stood and removed his clothes with magic, leaving only his trousers, and walked down to the beach to stand beside Adrienne’s dress. As much as it galled him, he had a _lot_ to apologize for.

 

Adrienne resisted the urge to swim to shore as fast as she could when she saw Loki standing by her discarded dress. For once, she truly held the upper hand, and Adri wasn’t about to give it up tonight.

By the time she reached a point shallow enough to stand, Adri could see Loki more clearly. He’d mostly undressed, a good sign that he intended to join her.

“Well?”

“I believe,” Loki took a deep breath and looked past her to the falls, as though his next words were not ones he wished to say. “I believe I now owe you a rather large number of apologies.”

“Whatever for?” Adri couldn’t hide the smile in her voice. The glare he shot her didn’t even phase Adri. She wanted him to understand exactly what he was apologizing for, otherwise the words meant nothing.

“For being denser than that oaf who calls me brother.” He took another breath, but looked at her this time. “And, for convincing myself that I could have ever imagined such an intelligent, independent, and beautiful woman. It was exceptionally arrogant of me to think I could imagine a version of you that could ever do you justice.” Adrienne smiled broadly. Loki was back to himself, albeit somewhat more humble.

“Aren’t you going to join me?” Loki frowned and looked away again before stepping away from the water and pacing on the embankment.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Adrienne. I never expected it, not really.” Adrienne nearly rolled her eyes, but withheld the impulse, choosing instead to get out of the water to have a proper conversation with Loki. He didn’t even notice she’d moved until he turned to pace back up the beach and nearly ran into her. Any other time, the way his eyes widened at the sight of her standing naked before him might have reduced her to hysterical giggles on the ground. As it stood, she only allowed herself a small triumphant smirk. Men of all species, it seemed, reacted the same way to a naked woman.

“Loki, you’re missing the most important part of forgiveness,” Adrienne said gently. His eyes managed to move north to meet hers. “It’s not about whether you think you deserve it or not. Forgiveness is a gift, Loki, for both of us.” She took a step closer to him, and when he didn’t react, she placed her hand gently on his cheek. “I’ve seen _you_ , Loki. Not the man Thor and Odin ignored. Not the man who led an army to earth. Not the man taken to Asgard in chains. Not the man so accustomed to lying he can lie to himself. I’ve seen _you_. Underneath all the walls, all the façades, there’s a good man. There’s a man who appreciates the beauty of the world around him just as much as the simple silences, and who doesn’t mind sharing both. There’s a man underneath who knew how to save me, and who didn’t hesitate when he realized how much it could hurt him.

“The beauty of forgiveness, is that it’s mine to give to whomever I deem worthy of it, and you, Loki, are more worthy than most. Don’t diminish the importance of forgiveness by belittling yourself. You belittle me as well, because it was my choice.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter and all subsequent chapters, I start to take some serious liberties with a lot of stuff. I'm trying to stay true to my character's personalities and identities, but just about everything else is up for grabs.  
> I did do some good research into astral travel, but I'm taking some crazy liberties there and adding things as I see fit. This is by it's nature a fantasy/sci-fi sort of story, so if you don't like it, don't read. Comments/reviews are appreciated and if you have any ideas or info about astral travel you'd like to share, please do! I would love to incorporate it into the story if I can.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is back from vacation, and life has finally settled down after a truly mental year. I'm hoping updates will become more frequent again, and since I've another number of chapters in progress of being edited, it's a good bet. I hope you all enjoy this update.  
> ~A

_“The beauty of forgiveness, is that it’s mine to give to whomever I deem worthy of it, and you, Loki, are more worthy than most. Don’t diminish the importance of forgiveness by belittling yourself. You belittle me as well, because it was my choice.”_

     They stood silently a long time, sharing the peace of the valley. When the cry of a cockerel sounded through the valley, they both knew it was time to part.

     “I don’t know if I can send you back. I don’t know exactly how I summoned you here in the first place. If I get it wrong, you may never wake up, and I don’t know how I’d live with myself if I subjected you to that.”

     “What will happen if I’m still here when you wake?”

     “Most likely, you’ll be gone. There’s a chance you’d go back to your body, but there’s a chance you wouldn’t. You could get stuck somewhere in between.”

     “Then, what do we do?”

     “I don’t know, Adrienne. I really don’t.” She pulled his mouth down to meet hers in a soft kiss.

     “I have faith in you. We’ll figure it out. Just like before, walk me through all the ways you could get into my mind.” Though loath to move, Loki led Adri back to the table and conjured more wine and their clothes back onto their bodies.

     “There’s many ways to move between the realms, as well as between the layers holding the realms together. When I come to see you, I commonly send my mind to walk the branches of Yggdrasil that lead to you, but the branches I use specifically change which layer of your realm I enter on. You call it the Astral Plain, which I believe your scholars say has seven layers. This is not entirely true, but the idea is applicable. The particular layer I choose allows me to be visible to you, and able to interact with you; however, I am unable to touch anything physically on your layer. That’s a by-product of only sending my mind rather than my physical body.”

     “How do you enter my dreams?”

     “That is a separate element. Sometimes I may travel to see you first, but the spell to enter your dreams can be done whilst completely in my cell on Asgard.”

     “Are there other ways?”

     “If both our physical bodies were together, there are a handful of other ways, each more complicated than the last. If we had some essence of the other, potions can be made to share dreams. There is also, of course, the binding ceremony we discussed earlier.”

     “Can we use any of those methods whilst already in a dream?”

     “According to a hypothesis one of my dismal tutors had when I was a child, we could potentially find a layer of Yggdrasil that serves to connect our sub-conscious minds. The hypothesis was rooted in the idea that there was a layer of existence that connected every single person in the universe with higher level thought processes. This layer would be comprised of creative and imaginative thought, much of which presents itself in dreams, and which could potentially be tapped into. At the time it sounded like rubbish, and frankly still does. I would be amenable to testing it.”

     “How do we ‘find’ a layer of—how did you pronounce it?”

     “Yggdrasil.”

     “Ig-druh-seal?” Loki nodded. “I’ve been pronouncing that wrong for years. Anyway, how do we find a layer?”

     “That’s the challenge. No one’s ever found the one we’re looking for, so we’ve no idea how to go about looking for it.”

     “How do you usually find one?”

     “It depends. Sometimes there are specific physical locations where the branches can be entered. Others can be found through meditation. Still others present themselves when they sense a need to access them. It can be very challenging.”

     “I’m going to guess you have most of them memorized.”

     “Perhaps not most, but more than anyone else.” Adrienne rolled her eyes.

     “Close enough. How do you want to start?”

     “I would guess we have until the cockerel crows twice more, so I think starting with a physical location might be best.” Before Adri could even formulate a response, the scenery began to change. At first it seemed as if everything was going out of focus, then she realized things were disappearing—trees, flowers, the cliff—until all that remained was the lake, the table and chairs, and Loki.

     “What happened?”

     “I created a smaller space in which to search.”

     “You’re going to have to teach me some of these tricks of yours one day.”

     “That is prefaced by there being a ‘one day.’” Adrienne rolled her eyes again and stood up to begin searching around the lake. “Where do you think you’re going?” Adrienne stopped and threw Loki her best glare.

     “I happen to be looking for this entrance to Yiggdrasil.”

     “And, how do you propose to find it? Have you any idea what it looks like?”

     “Don’t be a git, Loki. You know full well that I don’t. You, however, just seem to be sitting there, which is helpful how?” Arching his eyebrow in turn, Loki admired Adrienne’s nerve. She resembled some sort of vengeful angel standing before him. Her glare, which he supposed would be rather frightening to mortals, was enhanced by her position with her hands on her hips and her hair thrown over her shoulder. The more he thought about it, the more he decided that as much as he’d like to witness her reactions in that state, he didn’t want her fury directed at him. Sighing to himself, Loki rose and strode to her side.

     “I would suggest we employ a combination of hypothesis. There is no doubt that we have a real need to find the entrance to the layer, so I suggest we calm our minds and focus all of our will and thought on finding said entrance.” Adri blinked in surprise, somewhat embarrassed she hadn’t thought of that. A small smile turned up the corners of his mouth before Loki took Adrienne’s hands from her hips and held them in his own. “Close your eyes and focus your thoughts on finding a way home. Imagine yourself waking up in your own body. You must desire to find that way home with your entire being.” Adrienne nodded as she did as he asked. Loki took one more look at her, burning the image in his memory before he too closed his eyes and focused on the entrance.

     He imagined watching her walk down a tunnel away from him, her home on the other side. He brought forward his emotions, concentrating on ones related to Adrienne and his need to see her safe, alive, with her children, and ignoring all others. He thought of how he felt near the other entrances—an undefinable presence that promised untold wonders just barely out of reach.

      Time had no meaning for the two holding hands by the garden table and chairs, so lost were they in their imaginings of the missing entrance. Just as the feeling of the space around them began to change, to hint at something else being there with them, the cockerel crowed for the second time, breaking their concentration.

     “Ghaagh!!” Adrienne groaned in frustration and threw her hands up. “I almost had it, you little wanker!! There was just something there!” Loki too, scowled at the invisible cockerel, though silently amused at Adrienne’s antics. He grasped her shoulders lightly and turned her back to face him.

     “I felt something as well. We must hurry and find our concentration again. There’s very little time.” Adrienne scowled but acquiesced, taking Loki’s hands again and closing her eyes. It was difficult to push away the frustration, but slowly, so painfully slowly, she let it eek out as she sought the feeling she’d had just before the cockerel intruded.

 _Just a little further,_ she thought desperately. _I must be almost there!_ And then, she was. It was so sudden, Adrienne had to resist the urge to open her eyes and look around. There was definitely another presence around them, just off to her left and a little behind. She squeezed Loki’s hands in an effort to gently get his attention without breaking his focus. When he squeezed back Adri quietly whispered, never opening her eyes “I think we found it. Can you feel that? That strange presence over my left shoulder? I think there’s something there.” Loki cocked his head to the side a moment before responding.

     “Yes. I agree, there is something there.”

     “Should I open my eyes and look?”

     “No, I think not. I have a feeling that would only further break our concentration and I’m not sure we’ll find it again in time.” Adrienne nodded before she realised he wouldn’t see it.

     “Alright. How do you propose we get to it then?” She didn’t pause long enough for Loki to respond, instead answering her own question. “We’ll have to do it by feel. Let’s keep holding hands, but walk slowly in the direction we feel the presence.”

     “That is as good a plan as any.”

     It seemed to take forever, but eventually there was a change in the feeling of the air around them and they knew they’d reached their destination. Neither wanted to let go, but it was inevitable. There was no telling how much time remained before the cockerel cried its third and final warning.

     “I’ll see you later tonight. I expect you to come to visit, though it will have to be in my dream. Do try to make it intentional,” Loki could hear the smile in her voice. “Remember that S.H.I.E.L.D. finally deigned to show up, and I fully expect them to be around at least another day or two. Try to keep out of sight, alright?” Loki squeezed her hand in response before carefully cupping her face in his hands. After a moment he managed to angle his lips over hers for a brief kiss, only bumping noses once in their blindness.

     “Go on. We must be very careful not to repeat this. We were very lucky this time. We mightn’t be the next.” He said with their heads leaned against each other. She smiled against his lips and nodded before turning around to face the mysterious presence. Her hands raised before her in the universal posture to avoid running into things, she stepped forward into the unknown. At the last moment she opened her eyes to the brilliant light of a tunnel. There were so many colours surrounding her she was momentarily stunned to inaction. The walls, not that they really resembled walls so much as the idea of walls, gave her the impression of what the inside of an opal, or a soap bubble might look like. Before she could stop herself, Adrienne forced herself to walk further into the strange feeling, keeping Loki to her back as much as she could without seeking him out. The last thing she remembered before she woke up was a feeling of infinite understanding, of connectedness with the universe and all its inhabitants.

 _You could get addicted to that feeling,_ she thought mildly as she collected herself and straightened her clothes. As she glanced at her watch, Adrienne realised it had only been 30 minutes, not the hours she had previously thought must have passed. _Just in time for dinner._

     Adrienne turned off the light in the storeroom and walked out into the blazing evening sun, thinking just how much she missed the grotto already.

* * *

 

     Loki opened his eyes to a very different scene. Just as he’d suspected, the guards were outside his cell with his morning meal. Closing his eyes once more, Loki saw the last image he had of Adrienne walking into the pearlescent light. It was very nearly as he’d imagined it as they searched for the entrance, but the brilliance of light and colour—nothing could have prepared him for that. He’d never seen an entrance look like that before, and had the strong suspicion he wouldn’t again.

     Finally resigned to the fact that he would have to wait to go see her, Loki rose and stood against the solid wall at the back of his cell. The guards pushed the plates of fruit and cheeses through one of the selectively-permeable walls at the front of his cell, followed by a pitcher of wine. Loki obediently waited for them to step back before he stepped forward. It wouldn’t do to draw attention to himself now, not when he finally had something good to look forward to.

      After collecting his food and settling back on his bed, Loki froze in wonder as the full realisation of the night’s events crashed over him.

_She forgave me! It’s over!_

     Those two thoughts ran on a loop inside his mind as Loki ate his morning meal mechanically, with no recollection of the taste, or even what foods he put in his mouth. When he finally came to his senses again, a broad grin crossed his face before he gathered writing supplies and sat down to write two letters—one to his mother and one to Adrienne. He would relate much of the contents to Adrienne herself that night, but for now he would use it to organise his thoughts and keep a record of what had occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note about the cockerel. In some older, what would be considered pagan religions, the cockerel's cry was a signal, a portent, so to speak. Also, the number three is rather significant (good things come in threes, the triple goddess, etc). I combined the 2 ideas here to create the meaning you see in the story.


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